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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To revisit for closure.

5 replies

Jewel7 · 06/11/2022 15:28

Last year a short term ex from a long time ago messaged and apologised. His life had gone in a erratic spiral over the years and he eventually ended up in a bad place.
He now seemed to be on the right track. Our time together was a fast fall and quite intense. But he could be erratic and would push me away at times. I ended up confused and hurt and literally walked away. When he messaged i appreciated it.
Not long after I bumped into him in town. He talked a lot particularly about himself. But we avoided some of the elephants in the room! I now feel I am in a better more confident place that I would like a proper conversation. To find out what really went on and why and to shove it all back in its box. I know he has issues with honesty and is complicated but is it worth it?

OP posts:
YoSofi · 06/11/2022 15:49

No.

He wouldn’t be honest, and is there anything he can say that will give you closure? Really?

Watchkeys · 06/11/2022 15:58

Closure comes when you accept that he has nothing that you need. It's not about what he gives you, it's about you giving yourself permission to leave the unanswered questions unanswered.

What would you ideally like him to say, when you meet, that would be most useful to you in achieving closure?

DatingDinosaur · 06/11/2022 16:31

To be honest, I’d say his apology and explanation is the closure.

The only reason I’d say have a chat with him now is if you are hoping to rekindle a relationship with him and want to clear the air first. Otherwise just leave it be.

Jewel7 · 06/11/2022 16:45

I guess he left me with questions but he isn’t going to give me an honest answer. Thank you for assisting me with the over thinking!

OP posts:
Coffeepot72 · 06/11/2022 16:58

it's about you giving yourself permission to leave the unanswered questions unanswered

Yes, that’s a very good definition of closure. I still have no real idea why my ex behaved the way he did, but it doesn’t matter any more

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