If I was ever in any doubt that I'm doing the right thing....

[TheAbsentGazelle]

... then ex-DPs actions are clearing up all of that doubt!

I made the difficult decision a month or so back to end my 12 year relationship.

It wasn't an easy decision to make as I still care about him very much, but I can't be in this relationship anymore.

I'm trying to get the house organised for going on the market. The estate agents are coming tomorrow to get the house valued and get the ball rolling.

I've been on the go since 6.30am this morning trying to declutter, and generally get the house tidy and acceptable.

Ex-DP has a floordrobe in what is now "his" bedroom, that I've been asking him to tidy up for nearly a year now. He said he would do it today and he had! Everything picked up off the floor and looking good.

I opened the cupboard in the bedroom about 20 minutes later to put something away and the big pile of his clothes fell out onto me and onto the floor. He had just picked the stuff up, shoved it in, and shut the door.

I said "the estate agent is coming tomorrow. the house will be on the market next week! do you not think you should get this done properly?" He just shrugged and said he didn't realise people would want to look in cupboards and said he'd do it "later".

This is just one example of many where he's showing me time and fucking time again that I'm making the right decision in leaving him.

He hasn't made a single effort to do anything in this house. Not that he did anything anyway. I had to organise the estate agents myself and while I'm getting myself ready and starting to pack, he just sits around on his phone all day.

I cannot fucking WAIT to get out of here away from him in my own house without someone else cluttering it up and having to deal with someone else's shit lying around!

Hopefully he doesn't end up under the patio before we get the house sold.

My ex did the same. Not a single second of effort, just moaned that he couldn't find the stuff he would normally leave out that i had tidied away.

Good riddance!

Good luck with everything.

The clocks ticking...... you are on a wind-down.... this will end.... you are absolutely doing the right thing...
Head down...keep going....you will get through it and be fine..

X

God, mine did that yesterday. He was tasked with touching up a bit of paintwork yesterday and all it was was grumbling, complaining, and "where's that paintbrush that I left beside the sink"?

Do you mean that paintbrush that you left beside the kitchen sink in 2020 and didn't clear away for nearly 8 months despite me asking you every week to do it? Does it look like it's still there now? Fucking hopeless.

I’m getting stressed on your behalf just hearing about this!

Tell us all of the lovely things you plan to do / the way you’ll live once you’re out of his little pit of apathy.

Apathy has to be one of the most frustrating things to live with… argh!

Thank you. I keep telling myself that. Just a few more weeks of this... keep going!

Apathy has been the absolute biggest killer of this relationship. We've been in this house almost 10 years and almost all of the rooms are decorated exactly the same as when we moved in. He always said he "didn't see the point in changing it".

The first thing I'm going to do in my new place is decorate it to MY tastes exactly how I want it!

My marriage broke up in the Summer due to issues with my husband and alcohol. But now that he's gone I can totally relate to what you're saying. The fact that the house stays relatively clean and tidy is lovely.
He never wanted to pay a workman to do something he could do himself but he never wanted to do DIY either. Since he moved out I've paid to get some small necessary jobs done and I feel a great sense of satisfaction. Last year I paid to get the kitchen painted and he stropped and sulked for weeks afterwards because stuff got moved.
Tbh even if he got himself sorted with the drinking I don't know if I'd want to live with him again.

Good, well done!

Imagining all of that in beautiful detail each day will help you get through this transition time in the best possible spirits. You can even start preparing online baskets and lists in your phone, it can be an exciting process, plotting freedom!

It’s very cathartic to paint your home yourself (if possible), the satisfaction and the endorphins are enormous. And you can treat yourself to the amount you would have paid someone else to do it.

God, I relate to this so much.

One of the few rooms we did change was the bathroom and only because we had to because the toilet was leaking. He refused to pay anyone to do it and instead he and his dad did it. I went without a flushing toilet for 4 WEEKS! For 4 weeks I had to pour a bucket of water down the toilet after I had done my business.

The bathroom project was started in 2016 and its STILL not properly finished now.

I'm glad everything has worked out well for you

It’s very cathartic to paint your home yourself (if possible), the satisfaction and the endorphins are enormous. And you can treat yourself to the amount you would have paid someone else to do it.

The week after my ex moved out I painted my bedroom, bought new bedding for my new bed and cleared out the mess. I now have a cosy, comfortable, tidy bedroom. So cathartic and life affirming.

Hi fast forward to when you are pain in the ass husband free, sitting in your own place. X

I've just tripped over one of the 3 pairs of shoes he has dumped at the back door. Ankle throbbing. How I managed to resist the urge to throw the shoe over the fence I don't know. Deep breaths and think of beautiful paint colours!

I bet it’s lovely to bask in your own choices and put your own stamp completely overriding any old or disliked stuff.

@TheAbsentGazelle, will have the pleasure of a totally clean slate!
I so love that I have handpicked and cherry picked every single thing in my house. I wouldn’t be able to cope if it still had the whiff of a hurtful ex. Makes me actually never want to have someone living with me again. Happy to have a relationship, but need my own space to decompress. A bit of PTSD from the old relationship perhaps!

Here’s to freedom!!!

I’m now off to pickup wine and CAKE from the shops and I’m looking forward to enjoying it undisturbed by some negative awful cloud sitting somewhere in my house making a mess and complaining. Fuck that!!!

I know that feeling! We are getting the house ready to sell (divorce). Oh my poor STBXH is so so busy and can’t top telling me so! The fact is all he is doing is finishing off all his abandoned diy jobs, some going back to 2008! His inability to finish anything is so bad that my Dd and son in law will turn down his offer of free work and would rather pay someone, because at least then it gets finished.

Hes still got unopened boxes of stuff from when we moved in here over 25 years ago. And his ‘office’ is full to bursting from paperwork from his last two jobs. He retired five years ago.

So looking forward to getting my own place.

I actually like painting, I redid one of the DCs bedrooms the week after STBXH left. I paid to get the kitchen painted last year because he was very stressed (or permanently hungover) and I thought getting it done quickly by a professional would be easier on us all.
In his opinion paying a painter is an awful waste of money, money that would be better used buying everyone at the bar in his local a round of shots.

Oh God mine still has unopened boxes and stuff from 2 jobs ago too! Is yours a hoarder?

I hadn't realised the full extent of how much stuff he has until I started packing. I'd open up a drawer and it would be full but none of it mine! It feels almost suffocating.

Good luck with selling the house. How exciting is it going to be having our own space just how we want it!!

As IF I was ever in any doubt...!
I've come down with this weird cold/flu hybrid over the weekend but ex-P has still let me go round doing all the cleaning/tidying ready for photographs being taken today.

Today he woke up in a mood because I didn't tidy his bedroom last night while he was at work

I said "you'll need to make the bed" and he tutted and said "but I never get it looking right" faffs about with it then shouts through "can you grab a corner? I can't get it sitting right". So went through to help and the sheets were manky with dog hairs and mud (I hope it was mud) I said "you'll need to change the sheets. these look awful" he pulled a face and said "well, can you do it?" "Yeah sure [ex-P] I'll do that on top of everything else I have to do, while working from home, while having a bad cold!" He pulled a strop and said "well don't get a cold then!"

I can't believe I was in a relationship with somebody so incompetent!

He fucked off out while the photographer was here, came home, had his lunch, then announced he's tired so went away for a nap.

I felt like death yesterday. Running a temperature while cleaning the bathroom sink but he's tired and he's had a hard day.

Give. Me. Strength.