How do you cope as an introverted mum

[xxcatcatcatxx]

Not even name changing for this one as I’m beyond caring but having a baby has just been the worst experience of my life socially.

I love him so much but oh my god the amount of people you have to see and socialise with?!?!? It’s just constant. Finally after 8 months I’m back at work and I’m not going to lie part of me was just relieved not to have weekdays free. I’m just zapped and mildly traumatised by the whole experience.

Are there any other introverts out there, how do you cope? xxx

Who do you have to see and socialise with? Not my experience tbh

I am.. I'm not sure I get it though as I don't see anyone I don't want to. I didn't do the baby groups as found it stressful rather than enjoyable and my babies didn't seem to miss out. Not sure what else you mean.

I never did baby groups.

I only arrange 1:1 play dates if my child likes the other child AND I like the parents.

I never even made it to any baby groups I was too overwhelmed and never not had plans, a few friends once every other week, grandparents/ siblings from both sides and you’re weeks full.

Am I doing something wrong? Feel like I can’t really say no, maybe that’s a me problem. How long are peoples interactions? I’d love just for an hour and a half max for coffee but people seem to want to hang out for a lot longer xxx

I don’t see family that much so 🤷‍♀️ The novelty of new babies usually wears off after the first few weeks ime did you use to see them so often before you had your child?

I found the same! Starting with mother/baby groups, hospital or clinic appointments and on all the way through school, leaving home and realising I'm introverted. I masked it and met some lovely people over the years. Found mother baby groups difficult and ergo all the other experiences. I think the stress of it all combined to make me quite unwell with a stress related illness so strongly advise you don't mask!! Stick with the people you find calm, avoid competing types and look at me's and you'll be fine. Try not to cover up your natural introvertsion. For the record 2 of my children are really extrovert and benefitted from going to groups, Play dates etc. My other child loved quiet interactions and when it got too much they howled distraught and 'needed space' after all events, v much an introvert too.

Are you complaining about your family coming over to bond with your new baby and establish a relationship? Were you family really coming over everyday all day? That's pretty unusual and yes, would be exhausting.

@LondonGirl83 Oh my god it sounds so bad when you put it like that, after 8 months though it would be nice to have just one week of not seeing anyone xxx

If you're not naturally introverted it might be hard to understand, but I can sympathise. A baby is fully dependent on you and means you get very little personal space (as anyone would expect), then you overlay the influx of relatives and friends who want to see the baby....you're left possibly feeling stifled if you're someone who needs to be alone sometimes.

Maybe test out a different balance to see if it helps - withdraw for a few days from family and friends visiting.

I'm a SAHM and I drop off dd at MILs once a week and see my dad every fortnight and maybe a friend once a month, two friends a month at a push? That's it really. My friends are all busy with jobs and parenting so we call and text often but don't meet up as much. It helps that the friends that I've had since my twenties now live spread out over the country. I only have a few living close by.

As an avid introvert myself, I loved having a baby. I saw people on the days I fancied socialising. So we went to baby group 3 times a week and I’d have a coffee with the mums afterwards. I’d be home by 1pm and wouldn’t see anyone else until dp got home. Otherwise, I just went about my day with my baby in toe. I had company that couldn’t talk but liked interaction- it was perfect. However, it had a shelf life, by the time ds was 12 months I felt severely depressed so went back to work. You do you, don’t feel guilty if you haven’t had the same experiences as some people. Just enjoy life as it is now and maybe don’t overwhelm yourself with so much socialisation if you have another. It’s easier to meet people outside the house as you can make your excuses to leave when you’ve had enough, it’s not so easy when they’re in your own house.

I didn't mean it to sound harsh! I wouldn't have been able to have people over everyday all day but that would be very unusual. Unless people live very close and don't work family visits weren't really an everyday thing after the first week or so when there is an influx.

I do think grandparents and aunts and uncles play a really valuable role in a child's life though so I'd try to figure out a way to let them build that bond as much as they'd like without it overwhelming you. Perhaps, with your in-laws just let your husband get on with it most of the time and go out for some time alone without baby as well as it sounds like they are a bit older now.

I lived 240 miles from my nearest relatives when the DC were babies, in a village where everyone went off to work in the morning leaving it like a graveyard! My friends were all at work too. You might have liked the total isolation, OP, but I couldn’t get back to work quick enough, for some adult conversation and social contact.

Its interesting you say this, because I found the LACK of social interaction to be one of the worst things about my maternity leave. My mum came for a week after DD was born, but exH and all my friends were at work, my ILs lived hundreds of miles away thank God, and I couldn't really afford baby groups or activities because exH had just been made redundant. You would probably have LOVED my life at that time, but I hated it.

This wasn't my experience either. Where parenting as an introvert has been hard for me is 24 7 with the children. My youngest has just started school, I still don't work Mondays and having that day off alone has finally given me the time to recharge that I've been desperate for.

I'm not sure what strategies you are using, but this is how I tend to manage expectations:

"I'm afraid I can't make ........ but how about ....... (date 2 weeks hence)"

(Getting up)...... "it's been really lovely to see you but I need to rest now"

And similar. Rinse, lather, repeat. Be polite but assertive.

I've gone from being an introvert to needing to see people every day so I've coped by becoming a different person!

I think having kids has made me realise how introvert i really am. I agree with pp who says having kids is almost an introvert paradise as you can go to a playgroup chat to a mum who's name you don't know for an hr get a bit of social interaction but not too much then chill and decompress for the rest of the day.

I crave socialising but I feel like motherhood (2 under 2 sahm) has made me inept at it all. I find small talk clumsy and like I'm repeating the same stuff 'how old?' 'is it your first?' 'it's hard but worth it' lines without really being myself. It seems to come more naturally to others or at least that's how it seems its like I've become even more socially awkward

I have a few friends but only have about one catch up a month. Same with family. I miss it but then am glad when it's over.

I just don't want my introverted nature to rub off on my dc and their social circle to be small because of me. That's my only concern.