Difference between anger and abusive anger?

[HealingbyFeeling]

If you are someone that takes your anger out on inanimate objects, when does it become abusive? How do you distinguish the two?

My ex would punch and throw things. He never hit me. In his (and my eyes at the time) this meant he was not abusive. I think there are non-abusive people who slam doors etc so how do you know which is which? When does it cross the line?

I have a foul temper. Really bad rage and certain things really used to set me off. In the oast I have done some really terrible things as a result. Somewhere in my mid 20s I realised (with the support of my amazing ex) that my temper is mine to keep I am in control of it. I cant control how angry I feel but I can control how I behave. Not saying it was easy but I haven't lost it in over a decade.

I got whatever help and advice I could because I didn't want to be someone who lost control and did those things to/around people I love. I had to learn to communicate my feelings like a mature adult, recognise the triggers for my anger and talk about it before it got to that stage. After me and my ex split I wouldn't consider being around anyone who had anger problems without trying to change it for the better because clearly, it can be done of you want to.

Punching inanimate objects is an example of domestic violence. Your ex was abusive when he was doing that because it was also done to exert his power and control. Abuse is about power and control over another person.

If it scares or intimidates you then it's already abuse. Punching things is designed to sayv'look at how out if vontrolni am. Next minute it might be your faxe'. It's is not a loss of control l. It is a power play to exert control. To intimidate.

Yes, occasionally teens may slam a door out if frustration. Is he 15? Was it just the occasional door slam? No. He is a grown man literally punching holes in walls. That's not 'qnger' that's a sociopath telling you 'if you don't tow the linz, your face will be next'. And it may or may not be, he may 'only' need to keep braking stuff.

But it's abuse all the same.

Run for the hills.

*'look how out of control I am'

Abusive anger is also calculated so for example if when angry they pick up a specific item like going across the room to throw your phone or a photo of you, when there was others things closer to hand.

I have a terrible temper sometimes. Its worth mentioning I'm autistic so that may be a part of it.

If I get overwhelmed I might throw something in frustration, throw it down I can't do it. Throw it into the sink I'm sick of it. Throw it in to the bin I don't want it any more.

It's never really directed at anybody, it's not a control thing its just a snap.

I'd never do anything that might frighten or intimidate my partner and if I did (I slammed a door once in an argument) I'd apologies and not do it again.

If your partner getting angry frightens you then it is abuse. You shouldn't fear your partners moons. You can dislike them being in a huff or getting angry, but you shouldn't feel afraid of them or what they night do.

It's intimidation.

To punch walls is him saying he could do this to you, it also shows you that he can destroy your surroundings and you cannot do anything about that to stop him.
Further actions would be to actually destroy your possesions.

Shouting, raging adds to the intimidation and fear.

You have at that point lost control over your envoiroment and are not in a safe space.
That person is not safe.
They have over powered you physically.

You would be wise not to be in their company again.
Reasonable debate will not be possible with this person from here on in.

You may as well live with a tiger.