When is enough and why won’t he go

[Meesechelt]

When is enough - if my husband doesn’t want to leave but seems to make it clear he doesn’t want to be with me .. ( I know that sounds strange but I’ve told him so many times in the last year that he needs to leave but he won’t but equally doesn’t want to be with me / thinks I’m unreasonable)
If when the enough point is reached why won’t he go ? I am so worn down and confused why if I am so horrible that he won’t give space to go. It’s unpractical for me to leave here due to many reasons and not my comfort but my children.

Hes so angry at me all the time now and it’s unbearable .. accidents keep happening , glass doors being smashed , walls marked , it’s just not an environment I want for anyone - yet is this all something people work through and I’m really just being a drama queen ?? Why when I ask him to leave it becomes a joke ?

That’s not an accident that’s on purpose and he knows as you do to
he’s escalating and you need to go now
phone police, phone woman's aid for help but you need to leave and soon not for you but for your children.

He’s changed even in this week. It’s so sad to see and say . I darent say anything more to him as it’s “ goading” him apparently. I just love him and want this to be ok but it’s not . I don’t have anyone else any more

Why won’t you call the police?

Stop paying the bills out of your maternity pay. Buy food for yourself and your children but nothing else. Get all the copies of paperwork, tax returns, check stubs, bank statements, credit card receipts, insurance policies, etc.
Go online and figure out how much child support you are entitled to receive,
and file for it.
If he doesn't want to be cold and hungry with dirty clothes, he can leave.

You need to consider how damaging this environment is for your 4 children.
Please seek help so you can begin to plan to leave.

Contact your local women's aid. I was there and it is awful. But it gets better. They helped me get my abuser out and we all were so much happier. 5 years on, new partner, new home, happy kids although I'm still in therapy. That charity saved me. Let them help you. Make that call.

Do you have neighbors? Might they have heard this smashing and destruction? I hope they start reporting it to social services. Someone needs to. Why are you failing to protect your children from this?

He's in total control. Absolutely total control. Including during these "rages". They are deliberate. He has a job and I'm sure he's got a colleague of two who he finds annoying. Maybe even dislikes. I'm going to wager that he's never flown into a rage at work like he does with you, never mind having an "accident". Him staying in the house and him picking you up when you've left is also about control of you. It's all about controlling you.

You have been advised here to go to the police. This you need to do.

His "changing" in the past week has a name: escalating.

None of this is your fault. But you need to go to the police for you, but also your children. You both, independently of each other, have a duty to protect your children. He is a threat right now and you cannot be said to be protecting them. You need to start being proactive.

No doubt he's worn you down over the years. I'm betting the financial abuse isn't the only other thing that's been going on. This is why you're passive, because you're doubting your own mind and not seeing things clearly. That's not your fault. Right now though, you need to use all the energy and courage you can muster and tell the police. Speak to Woman's Aid. Tell close friends (not joint friends) and family you can trust for support. You have to stop wondering and demonstrate that you are doing everything possible to an objective outsider, that you're protecting your children. Keeping them in an abusive home because the abuse is their dad/your husband and you're desperately hoping he'll see sense, isn't doing that.

If this man was willing/able to see sense you'd not be in this situation.

Go to the police and tell them what you've written here. Plus everything else. In detail. You can do this. You shouldn't have to, but you can.

Document all this with womens aid asap, or the DV unit with the Police.
The next time he has an ‘accident’, call police, they will then remove him and put conditions on that he can’t return to the home.
Put a claim in with CMS for child maintenance so it comes direct from his wages.
Then apply to the courts for an Occupation Order, which will allow you to remain in the house for up to a year which will allow you to get sorted financially etc and give you breathing space.
Theres ways out of this, but you need the knowledge of agencies there to help you, call WA.