Feeling pressured to be dating or in a relationship

[anyoneanyoneanyone]

I'm a mum to a one year old baby and always said I would take a year out of dating to focus on my baby and myself.

Now a year has passed I'm happy and content the two of us in our love bubble. Of course we have friends and family but our evenings are ours, we eat, bath and sleep together. We wake together and eat breakfast together just the two of us.

I've recently had a conversation with a friend who told me gently that this isn't good for my child and maybe I should start dating or a relationship so we could be a family. I'm starting to feel not only that I'm abnormal but that I'm harming my daughter and being selfish.

Don't get me wrong, I've had nights where I've had family babysit but I'm home by 10pm. And she does her Father in her life who sees her regularly. So on the other hand I disagree with my good friend and think it would be more harmful to introduce a man into our lives and bubble.

I just want to know if it's abnormal and unhealthy to be so close to my baby and not want anyone else in my home during the evening. If she didn't sleep in bed with me would I be more inclined to need a partner? I've played the field and had relationships, I'm in my 40s but still get asked out even though I'm not looking. It doesn't help that everyone around me is in a relationship or dating or actively looking for the next date.

Maybe I will feel differently as she gets older and am not necessarily going to be alone forever?

I just want to know that there's nothing wrong with me 🙈and I'm not being selfish feeling like I want it to be just me and my girl

You're fine OP. It's no one else's business. You sound like you are having a lovely time which will, at the right moment, be the best possible basis for a new relationship if you want one. No need to force it.

What about your current set up does your "friend" think is bad for your child? Why do they not consider you and your child to be a family of two? How insulting. I'd ignore them (and stop seeing them, tbh).

Might be a problem if she was 14 years old, but it sounds idyllic now!

Your friend is talking complete nonsense, and frankly sounds a bit jealous.

You nest with your little one for as long as you want. Do what feels right for you and your child.

I've been a single mum for 11 years now. DS is happy, healthy, well adjusted. I'm happy and my career is flourishing.

I have just met someone but am in no hurry, just enjoying the moment and definitely not bringing him home to meet ds. What's the rush?

Nothing wrong in staying a single mum especially if your not ready to date.

I stayed alone till the youngest was 12. Nothing wrong nor unhealthy about it. If you do not want to date then do not date it is as simple as that and anyone with opinions to the contrary should be ignored.

I think it’s lovely OP and if I were lucky enough to have a living child (I’ve lost 4 including a big baby girl) I would want it exactly the same. Men come and go. Some are good and some are crap. But those times you describe with your daughter… bath, snuggles, breakfast. Sounds like you are basking in the best years of your life. You are so lucky. Enjoy every minute. Don’t let someone else in the bubble. Enjoy it while it’s just you two.

Your friend is fucking weird. I’ve been a lone parent for 7+ years, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, my DDs (all 3 of them) are grand too.

Thank you everyone. I'm perfectly happy. I've got very selfish enjoying my evenings when she's in bed. I love that I can have wine and crisps for tea if that's what I want. Or we can just go off for the day and visit friends far away with little planning.

Nah
Carry on
And maybe get some new friends 😳

Who on earth is this ‘friend’? Sounds like you have a beautiful relationship and bond with your daughter

It has nothing to do with her. You're happy, your baby is happy and you're actually enjoying your routine . That's completely fine.

Sounds ideal! Your friend has a very odd idea of what small children need.

I've recently had a conversation with a friend who told me gently that this isn't good for my child and maybe I should start dating or a relationship so we could be a family.

You ARE a family.
Your friend is a twat.

How dare she judge you as 'lesser' for not needing to be defined by a man?

I just want to know if it's abnormal and unhealthy to be so close to my baby and not want anyone else in my home during the evening. If she didn't sleep in bed with me would I be more inclined to need a partner?

Your twat of a friend has got into your head OP.
Kick her back out of it again!

Why should you worry about feeling more inclined to need a partner?
You are not suffering from any deficiency in wishing to remain single.
If that changes, you will be the first to know, & you can choose to start dating again. It's not up to your friend to dictate whether you remain single or not.

If she raises this subject again, give her both barrels. She may have spoken "gently" but she has been astonishingly rude & controlling. YOU are enough for your baby. YOU are a family with your baby. YOU are not deficient for choosing to not have a man on your arm.
I'd be asking her WTF is wrong with her - the patronising, small-minded bitch.

Who - the friend or OP's DD? 😂

Why do you think OP's single status would be a problem when her child is 14 @Ratherdampdownstairs ?

Sounds like a wonderful way to live. Ignore your friend...