Sick of getting shouted at

[Feelinglikeachange22]

Finally got around to applying to the cms so the ex can start paying his way.

Of course, he doesn't want to and he has had a proper rant about it at me today. Threatening me with this and that.

Claims he's never going to give me the amount they are requesting, £560.per month, that he has already forked out for this and that (minimally he has but bare minimum), that its 'terminal", they are only estimates (they are not), he's going to retire (57) so he doesn't have to pay anything going forward.

I'm sick of it. He's basically intimidating me out of pursuing the money.

I'm totally sick of it.

I’m afraid that’s what he’s counting on. He’ll shouts yell, manipulate then feel justified when you back down.
Id suggest you have either one email address for him or one mobile number ( get a cheap payg phone for him only) and communicate only via that. If you state something and he rants just repeat yoyr statement. And repeat again if necessary.

Yes indeed. But it's horrid and I don't want to put up with it any longer. He's always been economically abusive, but it's like I'm finally standing up to him about it.

It’s awful. I’m sorry you’re going through it. Do you have people around you you can talk to about it? Like pp said he is counting on you giving up. What a prick.

Stick to your guns. Let the verbal abuse roll off your back.

Men like him don't like being reminded that they are not The Law, and that they will be treated just like everyone else.

He's convinced they estimated the amnount. They haven't. It's from his direct earnings.

Oh boo hoo he has to pay something for the children he produced what a hero!

They all (abusive men) say that stuff OP. You don't have to listen to it. Where and when is he getting the opportunity to rant at you and is it anywhere near the children?

Put the phone down
Cut him off
Walk away

Where and when is he getting the opportunity to rant at you and is it anywhere near the children?

Ive been in contact over the half term holiday as he insists on seeing the children every school holiday. That gets waring too. I'd just like to be able to chill with them some holidays and do fun stuff. Christmas is.coming up and I know he will want them with him for Xmas. I'm dreading it. I feel like just turning off the phone and locking the doors.

So you haven't got a regular contact routine in place?

You need one.

Do you have anyone supporting you OP?

No real support tbh. We live 70 miles apart so it's very ad hoc.

Distance like that doesn't matter.

How old are the kids and how do they feel about seeing him?

If you need to agree a regular contact schedule so everyone knows where they are.

If he refuses to agree one or agrees it then ignores it - all recorded in texts which you keep - then you have evidence to take to court to enforce proper contact or maybe less contact, if it's harming the children and you have professionals who'll back you up.
However this is quite rare and only if it seems there is a risk of serious harm to the children.

How old are the kids and how do they feel about seeing him?

They like seeing him. He dotes on them and demonises me. Good idea about a regular schedule of contact

I'm sick of it. He's basically intimidating me out of pursuing the money.

Stop engaging with him.
He can only shout at you if you are present. Don't be.
If you need to encounter him for handover of children, keep it short, don't speak to him beyond the barest courtesy (for the childrens' sake) & if he starts on you - walk away.

The CMS will chase his maintenance. You don't have to be involved.
It's unlikely he will retire early purely to get out of paying - but if he does, that's a hurdle you can deal with if it happens.
It's just bluster, like the rest of his ridiculous rant.