Partner has let me down.

[Dancingonthemoonlight]

I booked and paid for tickets to the local bonfire night tonight, I booked them around 3 weeks ago so well in advance, partner said he was happy to come and I was looking forward to going and having an evening as a family (me, him and our 2 DC)

Fast forward to today and he's decided he isn't coming now, he is chronically depressed at the minute has been for around a week, and this comes out of the blue today about the event tonight, so I've had to ask my DM to come with us, as I've paid for 4 tickets and don't really have money to lose (like anyone)

I'm beyond upset and annoyed about it. He's been in bed since about 11am, I've woken him up and he keeps telling me to leave him alone etc, he doesn't understand why it's affecting me so much.... its affecting me so much because this isn't the first time and I'm guessing it won't be the last. Anything I prebook it comes to the day and he refuses to come or moans the whole time, and coincidently his depression will always flare up around these events.

I feel rejected. My kids have more memories of me and my DM than they do me and their dad going to events.

I've been supportive but I'm feeling so hurt and annoyed that I've ended up not being very nice.

I'm sick of booking stuff for us as a family for him to back out of it last minute.

This has ruined this evening for me. I genuinely feel like whats the point in going.

Does he bring any enjoyment to your life? Or the childrens? Is he an equal parent? Is he an equal adult in your home? Has he actually had a diagnosis or even seen a doctor? Do you want this for you the whole of your life?

What is the point of him being there?

Does he take medication or see a therapist?

If he's depressed (rather than a bit down) you telling him to get himself together is not going to work, he needs to go to the GP. If he is depressed, going out may seem like a huge thing and too much to manage.
Firework events are shit though so don't blame him at all.

He is diagnosed and he does take medication yes.
When he's not in the throws of depression he is caring and attentive and great to be around, when he's depressed he's full of self hate and self loathing and as the days progress he becomes more and more withdrawn, I don't want to be moaning about him because I also have depression and also have BPD, which I am medicated for and would answer why I'm not only feeling upset/annoyed but rejected. So I completely get the withdrawing from the world thing.

Anyway he has now decided he is coming to the event and I'm happy to leave it at that.

I think my main issue is I struggle to deal with my feelings when I feel I've been rejected/let down. I am usually supportive and I take it in my stride.

Our relationship for the most part is great, it's these little things that feel like big things that get to me.

I guess its normal when one of you has depression and the other has BPD.