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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable?

2 replies

RotateRotate · 05/11/2022 09:33

DW and I had a baby a few months ago. I carried and DW is having SPL.
I work part time and went back early to work for financial reasons.
At the time DW and I talked about on the days I'm not working we will spend quality time together and do nice things as a family.

Now DW has met another mum friend and spends the days I'm working with her. They go out places, for breakfast and lunches etc with the kids and go to places that I would like to go.
When it comes to my days off, DW doesn't want to do those things saying we need to keep an eye on spending, that she wants to rest and not do as much. So some days we just stay in the house.

It's fine staying in and I enjoy it sometimes. But after working, I want to spend my non working days with my family and enjoying the time, and this includes going out.
I'm starting to feel jealous that DW is spending time with this other mum doing nice things that I'm not part of.

Recently when it's been my days off, the mum friend has invited DW out to go somewhere so I've said "that's great, I can come too because it's my day off".
But DW hasn't seemed happy about this and has said instead that we won't go and that she just wants to rest instead or do things around the house such as tidying etc.
I don't think DW wants me going out with her and her mum friend basically.

She says she's working too by looking after the baby when I'm at work and I fully understand this, but it's also integrated with doing enjoyable things.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Cheminaufaules · 05/11/2022 09:48

You're definitely not being unreasonable in wanting to share in those activities your DW is experiencing. Babies grow up so quickly, you should be entitled to make the most of every opportunity.
Is it the case that DW wants her own friends 'separate' from you to maintain some sort of her own independence?
If so, could the two of you try talking about how this might better be achieved (you might suggest something not related to your baby)?

RotateRotate · 05/11/2022 10:00

@Cheminaufaules
I think that could be the case. Because I've gone back to work, I haven't had the chance to make any mum friends as I don't go to as many baby groups.
I think maybe she wants her own friends separate from me, but I just feel so deflated knowing they're doing nice things together with the baby and I'm not.
I suppose I feel a bit left out.

There have also been times where I've managed to finish work early and have suggested something small to do like go for a walk but she'll say she wants to go for one earlier and will go and ask the friend if she wants to go instead.

I just feel so down at the moment.
I don't want to miss moments with the baby.
But I also feel like I'm missing out on these experiences with my wife as well.

OP posts:
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