Just want to hide away.

[notmrscookie]

Really struggling with life .
Live with my 2 sons who both in their 20s .Work as a teaching assistant with added responsibility awaiting new pay agreement but new class andits hard work but rewarding but have a 2nd job. Volunteer as well as I have been brought up to support others .
Life has always been a challenge I was adopted and my adopted parents died suddenly in my mid teens.My partner cheated on me but wouldn't divorce so it dragged out.
Life never seems to be easy. Like everyone else it's juggling heating or food and to top it all I cracked my tooth so will need to do more stupid hours to pay for treatment
Sat her running a bath and having a cuppa think what is it costing me to do this ?.
Just want a break from it all.
Just want to brust into tears as it's all too much.

I’m so so sorry you are feeling like this. Firstly your not alone, sometimes everything crashes down on us and it gets overwhelming. I was like this a couple of days ago, I just couldn’t see things getting any better. I did go and have a bath and a cuppa! And checked my smart meter before I risked it! It cost me 60p! So go have your bath and cup of tea, in the great scheme of things it’s a small price for some relaxing time. If you look down down the back of the sofa or in your pocket you may find a pound coin so you won’t beat yourself up about the cost.
its your time to have some support I think, there be others posting on here to help you with good advice. My bit of advice is only get the bath and have the tea, but it’s a start. I’ll be back later though ok? Hope you have a good soak x

I didn’t want to read and run, I’m sorry you are having a bad time
Do your son’s work, could they contribute towards bills?

Oh that's pants isn't it. Sorry about your tooth. It will be okay.
I think for tonight, hang the expense of a bath and a cuppa. It sounds like you need to invest a bit of time into you.
Yes, life can be awful sometimes, but there are good things too. Your boys, the way you have helped people feel good...and is there something to look forward to? Maybe there is something good on the television to watch. Is there the chance of a lie in? Perhaps have a look on Vinted for something nice to wear (I got a pair of gorgeous Clarks shoes for a fiver the other day).
Are you claiming all the financial help you can, could the boys help a bit more?

I get it, sometimes it is lonely and relentless, but you have to pick yourself up and look for the little bits of blue sky. Big hugs to you x

So I managed to get an on the day appointment with my dentist and the remaining part of the tooth was removed this afternoon so just having a quiet evening. Slowly getting my shit together but I know I am lucky to have an nhs dentist so small positives.

Are your two dc working? Hopefully they can help you with the bills and make life a bit easier. Don't be too soft as you need the money and it will mean a lot to your quality of life Unless you are really loving the volunteering role maybe take a break and do something more fun just for yourself. I find exercise lifts my mood and distracts from life's worries.
Sometimes these moments of being overwhelmed seem never ending and then they pass.

Could you consider putting your volunteering on hold? Like you, I have always done it, but recently I realised I needed to focus on solving some of my own difficulties for now. The organisation was understanding, and will welcome me back as and when.

Good news about your tooth. Could you cut down s little on volunteering. I'm surprised that a 3 adult household is struggling, are your boys able to support more?

How much do your adult DCs pay in rent?
Being a TA tends to only work when DC are younger and your salary is topped up by tax credits or whatever. Most people cannot sustain doing that job unless they have a partner with a good income coming in too.
So I think you need to look at a career change that will help get your salary up, at least to equivalent of fulltime minimum wage and DCs should be paying a few hundred each per month too depending on if they are students or working.