Friend constant competition

[Ontobetterthings]

Anyone else have a friend who's constantly competing? We met recently and she just wouldn't stop competing with everyone and putting people down. Then everything had a negative slant. She doesn't have a good word to say about anyone.

I don't know why she is being like this 😕

I have one particular friend who is always comparing themselves to others and it can be draining. But she does have a lot of redeeming features.

What you’ve said about this new friend never having a good word to say about others though sounds a step too far for me.

I guess the cause is probably some childhood wounding. Her parents made her feel not good enough etc

I came away feeling drained. She definitely got worse. I'm trying to give her benefit of the doubt.

How boring. What are her redeeming qualities?

If you met recently and find her so annoying you don’t have to continue seeing her. Don’t spend your life around people who bug you.

I don't know why she is being like this

You don't need to know why she is like this, & even if you did, it wouldn't change her.

All you need do is avoid her, because she's not a friend.
If you have to see her because you are both part of a larger friendship group - Grey Rock her.
www.e-counseling.com/articles/what-is-the-grey-rock-method/

If you can't be arsed with that, why not just tell her?
Naming the behaviour can sometimes have an effect on the behaviour. Although you then run the risk of her turning on you. Have you ever said something simple like "life's not a constant competition, it's exhausting when you keep trying to turn it into one"?

I did. Until one day I sat listening to her, once again, viciously slag off someone who she had been close friends with for more than 20 years and I just thought….why am I wasting my time with this woman? She honestly never had a good word to say about anyone (nice as pie to your face though!) and for quite a long time I felt a bit sorry for her. Unkind people are generally really unhappy people, plus she’d had a significant health issue. But, that particular evening it dawned on me that actually, she’s wasn’t unhappy and it wasn’t because she’d been unwell, it was because she was just a jealous, nasty old bitch. Avoided her after that and fortunately now haven’t seen her in a couple of years. Dreadful woman but I learned my lesson….at the first sign of bitchy gossip, I’m out!!

Yes exactly same situation. Been friends a long time and feeling bit sorry for her. My other friend said she's jealous and doesn't like anything nice happening for anyone. I was thinking of trying to make a comment about the constant competition. She can be fun but got so much worse lately.

I have a friend like this who has got progressively worse. Mine has become unkind towards me as well as bitchy about others. I get a sinking feeling when I receive a text from her now and make my excuses not to meet up. Life is too short to spend with people like that. And you know what they say, if she is bitching about people to you, she will also be bitching about you.

She is bitching to create a bond with you.

The endless competing is draining, and annoying, if there are no laughs, then distance yourself from her.

I have someone like this who I am keen to distance myself from. She does it about everyone and you fins yourself being sucked in. It makes me wonder what she says about me and I certainly do not trust her.
We have a group of friends in common, and every time she's slagging off one of them, or their partner.
She is also in a group of friends I know of but don't know well, and she does it about them, how they spend their money, what work they've had done etc etc. It's like if you don't agree with their choices then why are you then hanging out with them on Saturday with "love you babe" videos?

Never understand this type of behaviour but guess it stems from insecurity, perhaps even unhappiness. If you refuse to engage with it and/or keep changing the subject she might get bored with it or get the message.

My DTwin and I had a friend like this at school and throughout our early 20’s. She would play favourites between DTwin and I, and famously said to a mutual friend, “you have to understand that [Dtwin] and I are in a permanent state of competition”. The mutual friend mentioned this and we were like “WTAF news to us”.

It was a really toxic friendship and I knocked my side of it on the head after a particularly bad falling out. In hidesight she had a lot of issues and her behaviour stemmed from a need to feel better about herself rather than anything we did or didn’t do.

Weirdly in this town I moved to five years ago, I have found a number of women like this. They speak openly about who they envy; they admit to being "very competitive"; they tend towards gossip; and they are prone to copying others. I have learnt to recognise it as a cluster of personality traits and to avoid them and tell them little about my life. They seem to lack a sense of agency in their lives, and obsessively focus on others.
In contrast, the women I've become close to here are much more independent-minded, and have their own interests and projects so they tend to feel less threatened by others.
I've met more of the competitive types here in this town than ever before in my life. Before that I spent my whole life in cities.
Whatever. It has led me to be much more discerning about people.

Cut her off..

Its a pickle at.times

Yep I've just got rid of someone like this. Constantly competing and trying to do better and gossiping about others. Jealous Narcisstic and awful. Best off with the grey Rock technique another poster has mentioned above. If they are like what I've had to put up with its vile.

Makes me wonder if some posters know the same person I do lol going on comments 👀👀
Hugs OP xx it's best to get rid