Making contact with sister (half)

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

I’ve got a half sister from my dad’s third marriage who’s always been very volatile, controlling and bossy, not just to me but to others including family members. We fell out years ago partly due to a miscommunication but partly I/she both behaved badly at the time. Approx 10 years ago I was in touch with her by phone and things seemed to be getting into a better relationship with both of us, until I mentioned meeting up with her and she said no.

I won’t deny that I’ve been volatile too
(maybe due to under active unmedicated thyroid disease) but also in my teens and until mid 20s I didn’t stand up for myself much and took a lot of shit from others and stayed quiet which probably wasn’t good for me.

Anyway, time has passed for both of us (there are other siblings involved).

The last time I rang her or her me she ended screaming at me down the phone and pointed out I’d taken a year to apologise to her…. She’d also been worthy of an apology to me but there you go, nothing had been forthcoming.

in my 40s/50s my thyroid is under control and I feel far calmer. I’ve also had severe PMT too in the past which I found it hard to deal with!

So… should I try to extend an olive branch or is it not worth it?

What are you hoping for by contacting her? What has prompted the idea?

I just feel like maybe we’re in better places now. We also share a half brother and half sister from my dad’s third marriage and my brother is in touch with my half brother.

I suppose I’d just like to see if we got on now as in our teens (she’s 7 years younger than me) we all got on very well until she was early 20s.

Also this sister for years was in a position of not having to work due to her husband’s owning his own company and she was a SAHM/W and now has her own travel company. She admits in the past she spent most of her time at the gym/beauty/hair salons.

I think last time I pushed to meet up too soon. But there was also one significant reason we fell out originally but she didn’t know about it or said she didn’t (to do with an ex of hers) and I probably should’ve apologised to her at the start too.

maybe it’s a bad idea though.

What prompted the idea is I’ve always felt a bit bad about the way things went and felt that originally I could’ve handled things better, being the big sister. However what she did then or what her ex did then (she may have known about it or may have not known) could’ve cost me my job at the time.

You sound very forgiving.

I think if you do contact her you should be prepared that she may not have changed and for the disappointment/hurt/however it will make you feel if she reacts badly.

It could be that she will welcome hearing from you and want to put the past behind you but I do think you should be careful with how much of yourself you give, just in case. By which I mean offer the olive branch but don't take responsibility for actions or words that weren't yours.

I would tread carefully and probably avoid subjects that you fell out about until you're both in a good place to discuss the past calmly.

Actually this is really good advice! Thanks!

I did used to have a tendency to go off the deep end too but she is my sister and there was a relationship there. She was affected badly when my dad unexpectedly died as he was only 50, she was about 17 and her parents had been divorced 2 years by then. They’d also been married 15 years compared to my mum’s 5 years and his first wife’s 5 years!