Was it ever your fault?

[Pleasecreateausername13]

I’ve been reading and watching so many threads about relationships and marriages breaking down(in the event of mine breaking down) and all I seem to see is the same things, ex cheated, ex left for someone else, ex treated me like dirt etc.

Is there anyone that can actually admit that the relationship breaking down was their fault? I know it always takes two but I just mean in terms of thinking there was things you could have done that would have saved your relationship?

I should have broken up with them earlier. I was at fault for keeping going with the relationship.

It doesn't 'always' take two, @Pleasecreateausername13 you are starting off with a false premise.

In terms of it always takes two - that's bullshit.

I couldn't have stopped my ex cheating and lying.

@wibblewobbleboard Listen don’t mistake what I’ve said there. I don’t always believe it takes two. I just threw that in their cause I knew someone would come along and say it at one point.

I cheated on my ex with another ex who I still had feelings for. But he was a vile person, a useless father, I didn't love him and I didn't care if I hurt him. I know I was wrong to cheat but I honestly feel like it was mainly his fault. He was awful to me and he didn't deserve me.

With one of my ex's the two of us were incompatible. Not that we are bad people. We didn't match up together. I couldn't change who I was any more than he could.

Another one died. Not sure what I could've done there tbh.

1st marriage breakdown was my fault. Had an exit affair and left. I would have left regardless (he was functional alcohol who was a lovely man but a lousy lazy husband). I don't regret leaving, but I regret the awful way I did it. He bounced back surpisingly quickly and move his soon to be wife number 2 into our house before it sold (4 months after i left). It was my life that was fucked up for years - deservedly!!

I think you have a point OP and it’s definitely the case but don’t expect many to say so here.

I recognise that I got married far too young and for the wrong reasons ... I met my first DH just after I left Uni and was 'impressed' with his wealth and lifestyle... soon realised we were very different people with totally different outlook on life so I left him after less than two years ... I didn't have an affair but I got 'close' to a couple of men and was easily swayed.

Yes sure, i’ve had a breakup or two where definitely I could have done things differently. One sticks in my mind where I really wanted to blend families and do the whole marriage and living together thing and it became clear he didn’t but had said he was open to it as i’d said that was what I wanted in my future. The future came and it was obvious really looking back he wasn’t up for it but I was in denial a bit. I pushed the issue and he sort of went along with it. Luckily I came to my senses before we actually moved in together but not before he did a range of shitty things - I think as a passive aggressive way of trying to screw things up and have me break it off rather than admit he hadn’t really wanted the same things long term.

I should have listened to the inner voice that said if he had truly been up for it he’d have been as enthusiastic as me rather than less so (he said it was because he was anxious but really did want to when I asked). So I think I was as much to blame as him - I think I backed him into a corner and he responded by doing some shit things which pretty much ended our trust. So we broke up.

That sort of thing??

I think I got caught up in my mental health and became critical as I feel more secure in controlled situations.
It didn't excuse him choosing other people first and then being unfaithful once.
I think him putting others before me and our family made me make less effort and become more critical and that then got him closer to the OW.
Thats on him though. That's a line you shouldn't cross and its led to me withdrawing more and more to the point that we are no, on the brink.

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