Trying to contact an old friend

[Preggo82]

I had a friend around 18 years ago and the friendship ended pretty badly due to me being a tw@. I fully accept I was a terrible person and friend at the time. We got in contact again over social media about 10 years ago and spoke through that and all seemed okay. We even arranged to meet up but they ghosted me (I planned to apologise to them then). Then they unadded me as a friend a few years ago. Fine, I thought. But the thing is, I think I really owe them an apology and have vowed that if I ever see them again, I will say sorry for how I acted towards my so-callled friend. The thing is, we've both moved away from our home town and are likely to never meet again so I tried to contact them again by sending a friend request recently. They blocked me. I know this as I can still their public profile through a business page I have. I tried a different platform and it looks like they blocked me on there too. Sooo... do I send them a message from my business account saying what I have to say or just asking if they're willing to talk to me or do I accept they don't want to hear from me. They may be wary of talking to me if they think I'm just out to create drama but I really just want to say sorry for everything. It's haunted me for years how I treated them when they were at a pretty vulnerable time in their life. Do I just live with my guilt and by contacting them, am i just opening old wounds for them by trying to ease my own conscience? Or should I try to make amends? WWYD?

Leave them alone.

I think they don't want to hear from you and you just need to accept it now. Put yourself in their shoes - why would you block someone from contacting you on every possible channel...?

That I'm afraid is your penance for being a shitty friend. You now have to live with the guilt with no outlet because they don't want to know. Suck it up and leave them alone. They don't want to talk to you and don't want an apology. They want to be left alone. Respect that and stop putting your own needs to offload your guilt on them first. It's self serving. You aren't doing it for them, you're just doing it to absolve your own guilt.

Leave them alone.

Yeah.... I need to leave it, don't I!? I've just realised I'm following a public account of theirs and they've left a post on it which i think is aimed at me basically telling me to fuck off. Fair play. I've reaped what I sowed.... Also, touché for the post they left 👏

Why is this in your mind now? Just curious, really?

It's always crops up in my mind every now and then. I also heard a song that reminded me of them on the radio

Leave them alone, you sound unhinged.

Why the fuck won't you get the message?
(It all about you)

Leave it - you’ve had a pretty clear message from them.
If you do decide to use some other platform to make contact, just do your apology - don’t invite a response or a connection.

What did you do?

You sound a bit obsessed and stalkery. Leave her alone.

Also going by your username are you pregnant? Is this wanting to reach out hormonal

Nothing specific (and nothing I'd want to specify just to preserve my anonymity) but I was a complete Regina George with them if you've seen the film Mean Girls but looking back on it being older and wiser, they had a lot of problems that I should've been more supportive about. They did some stupid things but a good friend would've stuck by them.

You aren't doing it for them, you're just doing it to absolve your own guilt.

^ this.

deal with your feelings yourself, don’t drag them into it.

Lol. I'm honestly not stalkery but yes, i see how it looks that way! I was a bit shocked they blocked me and wanted to get clarity as the last time we spoke things seemed okay

Yes - that's what I needed clarity on - if I was just doing it for myself or if they would appreciate an apology after all this time. Its seems they would not but at least I know that now and can move on knowing I can't make it right

Op I guess you're feeling remorseful and want the opportunity to apologise and perhaps be a better friend - that's understandable. We've all made mistakes however it's looking like your old friend prefers not to speak to you and isn't ready to forgive you or let you back into their lives .
You will have to just respect their decision. If you take full responsibility of your actions then I'm sure you can understand why they are not running to you open arms .
In a nice way - let it go and try to move pass this. At least you've grown up and had good intentions of trying to make amends and that's brave in itself!

Try and focus on the fact you have at least gained awareness now, become a better person and yes you made mistakes - you are human.

An old friend did something extremely hurtful to me years ago and moved heaven and earth to find me to apologise and see if we could remain friends. I said no. It was too late, and she made things much harder for me at a really really difficult time. I never think of her, I am aware she probably feels guilty, but it’s not my job to soothe her conscience.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. Even those of you calling me an unhinged stalker 🤣 (I assure you I'm not but see that im not presenting myself in the best light with the checking social media 👀). This is just something that has played on my mind for a very long time and I've toyed with the idea of reaching out many times over the years and finally got the courage to do it, albeit too late. It would seem that the person does not want my apology and that's okay - I tried to reach out and it's their prerogative not to accept that. I'm now able to close the book on it knowing I tried. Thank you everyone. I'll stop stalking them now!

Nah - its an old username

I'm afraid this is your cross to bear. She doesn't want your apology and you shouldn't make her hear it.

They don't want to hear from you. Stop stalking them. Have therapy if you feel you need it.