Online dating questions

[Funinthemud]

Hello

For people who have experience doing online dating

How long does it normally take from talking to someone online to meeting up in real life?

How long should I wait before asking the question?

It’s best to try and meet up within a few days to a week or so if you can, even if it’s just an hour or so for a coffee or drink. Anybody can be anybody they want to be online: there’s no point investing time into weeks of message badminton with somebody, only to then discover they’re not who they said they were or that there’s just no physical attraction or chemistry in person. There are also a lot of unavailable people out there who like the ego boost and entertainment of chatting and sexting on apps: men who try to make endless excuses about why they don’t have time to meet you until some distant point in the future are generally bad news.

I've done it in the past, shortest date arranged was the next day after matching, the longest 4 weeks. On average most ask to meet after a couple of days, so meeting within a week. Everyone is different, personally I preferred to get to know someone them at least a few days of chatting so I can gage whether they are worth me getting dressed up for and meeting. For that reason the ones I met too soon, I regretted, the longest one I did have a relationship with but that ultimately didn't work out.
I guess it's different for everyone, my advice is stick to what you feel comfortable with and sack off the ones that are too pushy or too lazy.

There's no normally. When you want to meet them, ask them. If they ask you first and it makes you feel good, agree to it. If it makes you feel like it's too soon, say 'It's too soon'.

You're not trying to follow The How-to-be-Normal rules, are you? You're looking for someone who sees things in a similar way to you, so if they keep putting off meeting when you're keen, they're probably not for you. If they keep pushing you to meet when you don't feel ready, they're probably not for you.

Everyone is different. Why would you think there's a 'right' answer, here? The only 'right' for you is what feels right for you, not what a bunch of strangers thinks is 'normal'.

I'm now strongly of the opinion of meeting before a week. Days better.

You know within a day of text if there is mutual commonality and I then (nowadays after not doing so last weekend) suggest (insist) on a phone call to see if a two way convo can be held (or are they one of the many blokes who love the sound of their own voice and not a jot of interest or curiosity as to who they are talking to) which in theory provides and option to say 'Thanks but no thanks to a date' but it's easier said then done to be bold enough to say that midway through a phone chat when they ask you out.
Also there's a sense of 'that wasn't a great conversation but maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they might be my one true love and if I don't meet them I'll never know!'

But deffo don't text them for more than a week. It never ends well getting 'to know' someone over text as you just aren't. It's a digital persona

My aims were

2-3 days of chat on the app
2-3 days of chat on WhatsApp
Date set up within a week

But deffo don't text them for more than a week. It never ends well getting 'to know' someone over text as you just aren't. It's a digital persona

This can't be stated as a definite 'no-no'. There are no hard and fast rules. This seems to want to meet people who have a life of their own, but expect them to have enough free time to fit into our own busy lives within a week of the first 'hello', when we're just a stranger to them. Personally I'd rather have someone say 'I'd love to meet you but I can't during the next 3 weeks because I'm doing x exciting thing and y exciting thing and z responsible thing and abc brave thing and def challenging thing... but I'm free on the 27th, is that any good?'

The reason I know that the quoted statement above is wrong is because my partner and I met and communicated for longer than that via texts/Whatsapp before we met. We've looked back at our first messages, and found it lovely that we were exactly and precisely our real, authentic selves, right from the very first message, and always felt we could be, with each other. It is just one aspect of someone, but that doesn't mean it's 'not the real person'.

Good point @Watchkeys I stand corrected

I was thinking back to my own experience which was kind of the opposite. Match in July but a combo of both being away didn't meet in person until late Aug. Had a heady brief romance which then ended abruptly and left me wishing I'd not spent the summer texting him.
It could have just as easily gone the other way.

Im a bitter old hag!

I think it's more important that you both want to meet within a similar interval. If two people want to meet at vastly different intervals from first contact, they're probably not compatible.

It does depend on circumstances but I make it clear I won’t message for weeks on end! I would usually like to meet within 2 weeks of matching (I don’t get much free time in the week and am only free every other weekend because of our custody arrangements). I have no qualms about asking someone out if I like them enough but I usually wait at least 5 days or so. I had one guy ask me out after a couple of messages and honestly that felt far too soon!