Feeling like I’m worthless

[Canterbury58]

Things have not been great between DP and I since we had our baby 10 months ago. I suffered from serious post natal depression and anxiety which I’m certain has driven a wedge between us. Put in a nutshell, I feel like my DP really dislikes me. No affection, no words of care - nothing. For example, I’m unwell at the moment with a very high temp and all he’s done is moan about it because he has to look after our baby.

My mental health is slipping because of it as I just feel totally worthless. I think I’m a good Mum to our daughter but she is literally the only thing that keeps me going every day. I’ve suggested we separate but he just scoffs.

We don’t live near any family which is another source of tension between us. I’d like to live closer but he absolutely refuses.

This worthless feeling is so overwhelming. I keep thinking about ending my life but wouldn’t because of my amazing daughter!

Sounds to me as though your life (and MH) would improve greatly if you left your DP tbh OP, he sounds horrible. You don't need his permission to separate, would it be doable for you to leave and be near your family instead?

You need to leave your DP, and move to your family where you will get support.
You are not married, so that’s one problem solved. Start planning it in your head, and get those ducks in a row.

And you’re not worthless, you’re a mum, and that’s priceless 💐

You are not worthless and need support. Do not think about ending your life I’ve been there very recently. Speak to your Dr about your mental health it WILL get better the lack of affection/support won’t help at all but as a pp said your MH may improve without DP, mine certainly has after my recent split xx

You are not worthless , you have as much right to be on this planet as anybody else. What you do need is to stop listening to anything your partner has to say and get all the support you need to feel better and stronger and ultimately, get away from him.
What kind of loser moans about looking after his very own baby daughter because her mum’s poorly? He probably doesn’t want to move nearer your family because then everyone would be able to see how awful he is.
Your daughter needs you in her life, don’t leave her with her awful dad, she will never understand why. Get the help you need and get away.

I’ve suggested we separate but he just scoffs

Of course he does. It sounds like he scoffs at a lot of what you say/think/feel, and that makes those things feel like they don't mean anything. He's taking the value out of your right to make your own decisions.

The good news is, he isn't the final judge of you or your opinions. You are. He doesn't need to agree.

Start now. You have access to the internet, so you can start investigating your steps to leaving him. He doesn't have to know a thing about it. As soon as you start plotting independently of him, and without his judgment, you'll realise what power you have.

Don't demonstrate to your daughter that the thing to do with a man who scoffs at you is stay with him. Show her that you leave, even if it's tough, and you build an amazing life for yourself and your children. It is your job to set her an example, and leaving him is the best thing you can show her, even if you think she's too little to understand. When she's a bit older, she'll be living a wonderful life with you, that you've built over the intervening years, and you'll be showing her every day that you are strong, protective, and loving.

Honestly, start right now. The sooner you start feeling like you're working towards independence from Mr Scoff, the sooner you'll start to feel better.

You are not worthless. You are you and you're a mum and your daughter needs you. I too was overwhelmed when my 1st child was born. Husband was supporting financially but had no clue about emotional/mental support. I would have thoughts of running away or end it all but my son kept me going. My family is abroad so I had nobody to go to. That time was hell for me but it passed. I assure you the way you're feeling now will pass too. But do suggest that if possible you go and live with your parents/family and get stronger physically & mentally and take it from there. Good luck. I'll think of you in my meditation and ask to send some healing energy towards you.

Leave you will only get worse, you can't stay with someone who refuses to help, knows your sick and doesn't care, he's only worried about his own needs.
Go to your family. X

He doesn't need to agree with you for you to leave him. Tell him it's over and get him gone. Once you're over the flu anyway.

Also see about seeing your gp. It sounds like the postnatal depression is back. It can last a while.

Try and get some fresh air and exercise every day and maybe invest in a sun lamp. Winter months can be hard on us.

If you surround yourself with people who don't value you, your health, your wellbeing and your needs then of course you are going to start to feel worth less.

But you aren't you know. And we'll, do we have to be 'worthwhile' to exist anyway? I mean, do we owe the world anything? Fuck no.
SO stop berating yourself!