DH unhappy

[Thaimoon]

DH and I have been married for 6 years- together for 11.

We have one dd who is 2.

This year we have moved house, and then been unlucky with illness- covid a couple of times, other normal viruses that come with having a toddler about, and then more recently I became unwell with a chest infection, followed by appendicitis!

Because of all this - I have been feeling mega run down for what feels like forever. I work part time, for the nhs. Work is stressful, then on my days off I am dealing with a very strong willed two year old!

By the time she's in bed I have ZERO energy remaining. I just feel like I have nothing left to give in terms of decent conversation, physical affection, sex.

I've been aware for some time that this isn't great for our relationship but as DH has not mentioned it been burying my head in the sand a bit. We have had date nights in this time, but I admit I've felt so shattered on them that they haven't been that much fun.

Anyway, last night DH said he has been feeling a bit unhappy. Misses me/us. A bit deprived of affection, conversation and my time. We haven't laughed together properly for so long. We haven't had sex in weeks. I know he is right and it is not great- and I do worry that eventually could push us apart. He says he is not going anywhere and loves me.

But how do I get energy to work on us when I feel like I have nothing left?? The 'energy' I have in the day for dd already feels like running on fumes- gathered out of nowhere for her sake.

I don't want our marriage to suffer but I don't know how to improve things when I feel like crap 😢 please help.

I felt like that for so long. Probably until my youngest was about 4 and started school! I was just doing it to shut him up, not great but I think many women do this. I had no time for me, didn't feel like me and was constantly tired. I ate better, exercised and got some time for myself when my daughter started school (had a day off a week) and things improved. Along with lots of conversations about things he could do to help, lack of physical touch and talk all day, and what I actually wanted in bed! I'd say what you're feeling is quite normal but have a think about what might help you..

Thank you so much again to everyone for your time and your brilliant advice!
I'm so glad I posted.

I'm definitely going to start with the small things- they feel more manageable.

Some great ideas and also nice to know it's normal too.

Thank you all so much 😘

Well, that's about the sum of it for a lot of men, isn't it?
They want shagged.
"Unhappy" often means - "not enough fuck/suck'.

I didnt get that impression from this particular post. Men, like women are individuals and seeking connection and intimacy and romance is pretty common in men too

Wow you split the chores 50/50. You lucky, lucky girl. It sounds like you've checked out, but you don't want to admit it. Relationships are hard work. We are all tired and stressed out.

Could you afford for dd to go into nursery one more day a week so you just get some time and space?

I think sometimes 'I miss us too' is enough in these situations.

This is not for everyone as is quite dweeby but DH and I have found doing a jigsaw together really good for chatting, not too intense or intellectually taxing time together.

This is all good advice.

I’d add that many people are taking weeks or months to recover from covid and this year’s other viruses. It’s not uncommon, and you do need to be kind to yourself if you can.

Does dh leave for work before u get up? If yes send the odd good morning love u txt, or if not a little hope ur day is going well love u txt. My partner done this when I had PND with ds 3yr and it definitely boost your mood to know ur partner is thinking of u and appreciates u and it’s kinda stuck. Also agree to arrange a baby sitter for over night, a tea time until tea time kinda thing or lunch until lunchtime that way u have time to kinda recharge and spend sometime with dh. Even if it’s just getting a movie box set to binge lying on the couch or in bed together, munches and a takeaway.

I don’t know what kind of men you’ve been surrounded by in your life but that’s a very sad take on a man (who seems like a good one) telling his wife he misses her company.

Also a sad reflection of the women in your life that you equate love and intimacy as a woman providing providing sexual services.

It’s not normal.

I’m sorry, what the hell? The OP has not checked out at all, she is just out of energy and prioritising childcare!
If she had checked out she wouldn’t be on here asking for advice .

also: it’s not a race to the bottom. Yes we are all tired. No, splitting chores 50-50
shouldn’t be unusual.

I think you should write out a list entitled 'Why I have been feeling like crap since -' and list all the things you mentioned

Then another column 'What would make me feel better and write 'turning the clock back to when we couldn't get enough of each other,
taking enough vitamins and supplements so you won't be able to catch up with me,
renting out junior so we can have some 'US' time.

Put it in his pocket when he leaves for work and tell him not to read it till lunch time.

Next thing obviously is to get the vitamins !