Sex drive disappeared since having Ds2, Dh getting the hump...

[SparklyGothKat]

My sex drive has completely disappeared since having Callum in sept. We have made love twice, but nothing in the last 2 months, I just don't want it. Dh is getting moody about it, and keeps trying it on. How can I get my sex drive back?

The more you do it the more you want to.. Strange but true. Relax, get ready to have sex ie have a relaxing bath, nice underwear and make your move because it's prob winding you up when he tries it on. do it a couple of nights or days in a row and see if it returns..

The more you do it the more you want to.. Strange but true. Relax, get ready to have sex ie have a relaxing bath, nice underwear and make your move because it's prob winding you up when he tries it on. do it a couple of nights or days in a row and see if it returns..

Yeah, YOU need to be the one deciding to makethe move. Once it happens you'll feel better about it.

Mine can get odd when I don't fancy sex for a bit which then makes it worse because I feel pressured all the time. Sometimes you initiating it makes him feel better and relieves the tension for you

I agree with you trying to initiate things. I very rarely do but I know DH likes it when I do and then I don't feel pressured into it IYSWIM.

Also, try going to bed a bit earlier, I went through a stage where I was so exhausted when it was time to go to bed that I never wanted sex, whereas going to be half an hour earlier I didn't feel quite so shattered.

LOL at dh getting the hump! Shouldn't you have added ...or NOT, as the case may be!

My ds2 is 12 and my sex drive has never returned. Dh can't understand it, because I always reach orgasm when we do it, so he thinks I should be more keen, but about once a month would suit me.

Apparently there is a patch you can stick on your bum - a sort of female Viagra - that will soon be widely available.

I shall have to watch out for dh slapping one on my bum when I'm not looking!

what about starting earlier in the evening as soon as Callum in bed?
Or during the day at nap time - really suprise him!

The problem is that Callum has only recently started settling down at 9pm, he used to feed all evening till 11-12pm. Then I'd go to bed shattered. Dh is one of these men that sit and play on a bloodly internet game till stupid o'clock and then is grumpy the next day. He tries it on when Callum is napping, and sometimes at 4am, when I am so tired, because Callum has only just settled after a feed.
He said to me yesterday that he thought I was going off him.. I just said that I don't feel like it atm. I was the same after my other kids, could go months without.

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he doesn't seem to get that him being moody about it, is not going to get me in the mood. I just feel pressiured and then I refuse more.

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I enjoy cuddles and sugglimg up on the sofa, and we always gve each other kisses, but he wants more (he's a man, don't they all) and I feel I should give in, but I don't enjoy it when I give in. I wouldn't even had had it twice if I hadn't felt sorry for him.

Poor you, SGK. THis is such a common problem and not really that difficult to fix. Unfortunately, a lot of couples get stuck in this trap of the woman feeling like sex is just another chore she has to do for someone else's benefit, and the man feeling frustrated and miserable (because a lot of men equate sex with love and closeness: if their DW goes off sex they do feel that DW has gone off them). THe answer is not, of course, that you should just open your legs and 'let him do it': both of you need to make a bit of effort. SOmething that often seems to help is agreeing certain nights of the week ie on Mondays and Wednesdays there will be no sex, on Tuesdays and Thursdays he can ask/initiate but has to accept it without moaning if you say no, on Saturdays SUndays sex will happen if you* initiate it (as long as he's in the mood, of course). THis is helpful because it can take the pressure off the woman and means you are more likely to feel able to have a kiss and cuddle if it doesn;t have to lead to sex - sometimes the resentment grows bigger because both partners would like some more phaysical affection ie cuddles, but the woman stops cuddling because she thinks the man is going to ask for sex, and the man, with no cuddles, becomes even more convinced that the woman doesn't love him any more.
You do need to have a good talk with your DP about the whole thing, and explain that you are not going off him but also suggest things he could do to help you feel less tired (if he's one of those men who thinks you should carry on doing all the housework as well as servicing him sexually then it's not surprising you've gone off the idea).
SOme people say that you should get a babysitter and have a romantic dinner, which can work, but can easily go wrong as it can lead to the bloke going well, come on, I've done the romantic thing, get your knickers off, and the woman feeling that she can't enjoy the romantic dinner because all she can think of is that she'll have to have sex at the end of it.

I have a little experience here from the other side - I'm sure your situation is not as simple as you have described it, it never is, and the more you think about it the more you "realise" what certain events meant, or caused, or maybe you just think you do.

My wife and I have stopped having any kind of sex, and thereafter any kind of intimacy, to the stage of sleeping in seperate beds, and there has been talk of seperate rooms, so if intimacy is an important part of your relationship do something aboutit soon, because it gets to be too late really quickly, and you spend the rest of your life regretting it horribly.