Is it normal for effort to dwindle after 4 months dating?

[Letmeknow6]

Dating a guy for 4 months. Lovely guy, was so keen, put in lots of effort with me, couldn’t believe my luck.
Now I’ve noticed that his every towards me and effort has started to change, less phone calls, still wants to see me a few nights a week but the effort isn’t the same. I feel like it’s more one sided from one whereas before I would say he was more keen.
im not sure if I’m wrong to feel a bit anxious over this and a bit let down or else is this just normal for a relationship after a few months?
the certainty I felt at the start of the relationship doesn’t feel there anymore and I feel myself drawing back because he is.

Hard to tell for sure, it could be that you've settled more into a pattern now that the chaste is over. Do you make plans together? talk about the future?
If it is getting boring then maybe you are both feeling it, after a few months you start to think is this someone I want long term. See how it goes, if you don't think he's putting much emotion into it then decide if you want to carry on or not.

im not sure if I’m wrong to feel a bit anxious over this

OK, lets get down to basics: you do feel anxious over this, and 'normal' isn't a thing to aim for unless you want to be Mrs Normal with a normal relationship to Mr Normal.

Wouldn't you rather be Mr and Mrs Quirky-and-a-Perfect-Match?

If your relationship makes you anxious, tell your partner. If he responds in a way that makes you feel heard and respected, problem solved. If he responds in a way that makes you feel something negative, leave.

You're not aiming to be normal. You're aiming to spend your life with someone you feel good with, and discard anyone you feel bad with.

Google love bombing and future faking and see if this resonates with you. If so, dump him quickly and move on.

How often are you expecting phone calls if you’re seeing each other a few nights a week? What is there to say on the days you don’t see each other that can’t wait until the next time you see each other again? The reality is that when you first start dating you’re strangers and there’s lots to find out about each other and plenty of excitement about doing it. A few months in and it becomes a bit stifling to have to call somebody just to hear how their day went and tell them about yours, when the answer is almost always going to be “yeah, fine, work, just the usual really.” If he’s still making the effort to arrange dates and everything is great when you’re actually together, that’s a much better marker of how things are going than duty phone calls.

The reality is that when you first start dating you’re strangers and there’s lots to find out about each other and plenty of excitement about doing it. A few months in and it becomes a bit stifling to have to call somebody just to hear how their day went and tell them about yours, when the answer is almost always going to be “yeah, fine, work, just the usual really

That's not the reality. That's one of a million potential realities. Lots of couples who don't live together have a chat each evening. It's not unusual.

Not my experience tbh. With hubs we wanted to see each other more and more until we were essentially alternating who's house we stayed at that night. But that's not to say its not normal 🤷🏻‍♀️ as others have said its about how it makes you feel x

Frankly I can’t think of anything worse than having to call anybody every day out of duty because they expect “a chat” regardless of whether there’s anything to chat about. I’d much rather focus on quality time in person, particularly since some of the people most attached to their phones are some of the least communicative and emotionally available in person.

If there are other issues which are making OP feel like effort is ceasing then fair enough. Different expectations around communication and somebody not wanting to be held to a daily phone call to somebody they already see numerous times a week is not, in itself, an indication of needing to dump them.

I've was love-bombed many years ago - a bloke being super-keen and big with romantic gestures and proclamations in the beginning - then very obviously losing interest but going through the motions until I put the relationship out of its misery. It was a massive head-fuck, let me tell you. Some folks get really into the thrill of the chase and the initial buzz of being together then lose interest.

Whether this is happening in your case, I don't know. Is his behaviour towards you different or is it just that your time together has settled into a rhythm?

I dont know if I would really expect things to be noticeably cooling off after four months. So it could be that you were love bombed here. It sounds a bit like my last boyfriend before I met my husband, he was definitely the one who was most keen at the beginning, but I noticed a subtle change after about six months and things ended at eight months.

You refer to feeling certainty at the start of the relationship and that, for me, is odd. When you’re just starting out, you would generally be less certain and feelings if certainty and security would grow over time. That does make me wonder if you were love-bombed.

Overall I agree with PP - in a relationship which is shaping up to be a happy and fulfilling LTR, I wouldn’t expect interest to be waning 4 months in. IME the 3-4 month point, though, is quite often when things fizzle out if an LTR is not on the cards.

Frankly I can’t think of anything worse than having to call anybody every day out of duty because they expect “a chat” regardless of whether there’s anything to chat about

Yes, but not everybody is the same as you, @AcrobaticActuary

Different expectations around communication and somebody not wanting to be held to a daily phone call to somebody they already see numerous times a week is not, in itself, an indication of needing to dump them

It can be, if their way of communicating leaves you feeling like shit. If you're the sort of person who likes a call each day, and your partner isn't, and it's bothering you, then it's absolutely an indication to reconsider and perhaps end the relationship.

Anything can be an indication of needing to dump someone, if the way they do things doesn't make you happy.

OP.
Your relationship is unique.
Talk to him and express yourself.
Sharing with a bunch of internet randoms will be more confusing as everyone will give you their version of expectations.

If they pull away, let them, don't chase. Let them come back

If he's pulled away and it's distressed OP, why would she consider him to be a good match? It's not all about 'the game' and what tactics you use. If OP is, as she seems to be, looking for a partner who displays consistent effort, this isn't him.

Normal varies so much. While it's possible that the thrill of the chase is over so he's been a little lazy, it's equally possible that life (work, hobbies, extended family) has taken over a bit and he's genuinely got less time. Or he could be like me and end up overthinking and paranoid that he might be too intense with his frequency of calls and saving it for when you meet.

Google love bombing. I hope I'm wrong but seems to be common enough for a specific term to be coined.