Partner swapped numbers and phone convo with another woman without telling me

[zaynm1]

Evening all,
Could do with some advice as not sure if I'm overreacting.
Been with my partner for 1 year and we are extremely close, see each other 3/4 times a week and daily phone conversations.
A couple of days ago he was at mine and his phone rings and he answers abruptly saying he can't speak and will call her back. I ask who it is and he says that a couple of weeks back he bumped into an old college friend (hasn't seen or spoken to her in 20 years!!) and they were having a catch up and she asks for his number. He then gives it to her and she calls him for a chat. They speak once to 'catch up on life' and apparently she now keeps calling and thats why he answered so abruptly. I'm an easygoing person who has no issues with male/female friendships but am upset that despite us speaking every day he didn't mention bumping into and exchanging numbers with an old friend let alone a phone call. I have male friends going back many years which he knows about but I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go.
He has apologised and says he didn't tell me because it was disrespectful and has blocked/deleted the number.

I'm still feeling upset and disappointed but not sure if I'm overreacting and it was as innocent as he makes out?

Thanks for reading, apologies for the length

I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go
Why? your boyfriend doesn't own you, you're allowed to speak to whomever you choose as is he.

I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go

Madness. I would.

Colleagues, new friends, old friends, even old boyfriends if they weren’t dicks.

I’d be giving you the side eye of you were my partner.

The fact he didn’t want to speak to her in front of you makes it pretty obvious what the deal is IMO.

You'll probably get a lot of people telling you that you are uptight but in the way that you described I can understand you feeling uncomfortable. You did ask for opinions so you can't expect everyone to agree with you but I don't personally think that you are unreasonable.

I have male friends going back many years which he knows about but I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go.

Why on Earth not? Assuming you mean giving someone your phone number rather than the number of the combination lock on your chastity belt!

There’s no need for him to tell you about social contact he makes with males or females, especially when you react like he’s done something wrong.

So if you wouldn't swap numbers with another man no matter how far back you go how on earth do you keep in touch with old (male) friends? Or make new ones?

Most of my friends are men due to the types of hobbies I do. I see them alone, sometimes we text and very occasionally we might have a phone call (though this is much rarer than with female friends). A bunch of my male friends together with my partner helped me move house recently.

It's swapping numbers and keeping in touch, which is not the same as going out for dates and flirting with them.

If I was having an evening with my partner and a friend called, male or female I'd probably say I'm busy and can I call you back because it would be disrespectful to him to spend a while on the phone having a general chin-wag with someone else.

He's not lied to you about her, he's told you who she is and how the contact came about. He didn't tell you about having seen her or the phone call to catch up but to be fair I speak to my partner every day and don't tell him the ins and outs of who I've met or spoken to. I didn't even expect that level of detail from my ex-husband!

If he were putting his phone on silent in case a call or message came through I might think he were hiding something. He says he's blocked/deleted her number so now it comes down to do you trust him or not? Noone else can tell you whether you should or not, only you can answer that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the swapping numbers part if it's an old friend.

I do think the part saying she keeps calling and that's why he abruptly ended the call in front of you sounds dodgy though and it's probably this part which you are reacting to.

I don't see the issue tbh. I actually bumped into an old colleague a couple of weeks ago that I hadn't seen for over 20 years.

We didn't exchange numbers, but I didn't mention it to DH. I wouldn't necessarily have said anything if I did exchange numbers either.

I think you are overreacting. I have male friends. I'd think nothing of swapping phone numbers with a male friend, just like I would a female friend. I chat to my male friends lots. I don't bother telling my husband all of this - it's just friendship and he doesn't care- we completely trust each other.

You made him block an old friend purely because of your possessiveness and jealousy?

Crikey. That's vile behaviour

I think it’s the way he reacted to her calling him in your presence that’s made you feel like this, rather than him giving her his number. If he’d taken the call as normal and chatted the way he would have with any friend would you have felt as suspicious?

I have male friends going back many years which he knows about but I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go.

This is so strange.

I would leave any partner who told me I couldn't be in contact with old friends or colleagues. That level of jealousy is irrational.

Just because you are a woman it doesn't mean you're behavior is acceptable, it isn't.

It wouldn’t bother me that he exchanged numbers with an old friend.

It’s his abrupt demeanor and obvious discomfort re speaking to her in your presence that would niggle. If all was aboveboard, why did he act like he was caught out?

You sound controlling and he likely reacted the way he did on the phone because he knows you get mad if he doesn’t tell you everyone he speaks to and that you would be upset he spoke to an old friend.

He did nothing wrong. You need to get your jealous controlling behaviour managed.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the replies.

I guess it is more the conversation in front of me rather than swapping numbers that has bothered me. I didn't even mention it when it happened as he left shortly after but when we met again a few days later, it was him that explained the story of bumping into her and blocking/deleting the number.
As said above, im easygoing and never one asked him to block or delete her number, apparentlyhe did this when leaving mine because he felt bad. This had happened a few days ago and playing on my mind so thanks for all the replies. Maybe it is the interaction in front of me as opposed to her calling thats bothered me?
Thanks all

I did not make him block anyone. When we spoke about it the next time we met, he had said he blocked and deleted as soon as he left mine as he felt bad.

I think this is exactly it. I dont care who he talks to or who calls him. The whole phone call was odd. We had spent the day together and it was great. Literally 10 mins before he is due to leave he gets this call and was very rude and I even told him so. No hello or friendliness, simply 'I can't talk now as out, will speak later'
She sounded upset on the phone as she was saying bye and that's what has made me feel uncomfortable. I asked who it is assuming it's his sister as you wouldnt talk to a friend like that and even then I thought it was rude. He then launched into the story about bumping into an old friend etc etc. Its only when we met next a few days later he said he had blocked her ad she keeps calling everyday to complain about her marital problems!!

Thanks for this. That's why I posted as wondering whether I was overreacting. Thanks fie sharing

He's told you the situation and been honest, I agree he should have mentioned at the time. But the question is do you trust him? Hi

Hmm. It sounds like he liked the ego boost of her attention and encouraged her to call. But he wanted their chat to be on the sly and out of earshot of you, so he rudely cut her off. Of course she was upset by the change in him.

I’m not impressed with this guy. He’s sneaky.

So he bumped into an old friend and exchanged numbers and they've had a few calls since. And he forget to mention it to you. Yeah, OK.

I think his reaction when she called and his abruptness to her, the fact he blocked and deleted her number after leaving yours and then telling you he knows it was disrespectful screams that this is in fact not an 'old college friend' but a random woman who he has swapped numbers with and now realises what a dick he has been (or more likely, what a close call he had when she called him while he was still with you).

Sorry, but if you bumped into an old college friend and exchanged numbers, its definitely a topic that would come up in convo with your other half. I mean you havent seen the person for 20 years, not something you'd forget to mention really is it. And then answering the phone in that way to someone you'd just reconnected with as a friend when it was all innocent and above board, well who would even consider answering so rudely and abruptly.

Thank you for replies. I definitely think it wasn't as innocent as he made out and if im honest, I don't think I can trust him after this. Before the phone call, no reason to doubt him as we are open about friends/colleagues and it has never been an issue. I mean he has a close female friend at work and they will go for coffee/lunches and he will tell me about it so its not like he knows he can't mention his friends/acquaintances to me. This just raises too many questions marks and I really shouldn't be overthinking this so early into our relationship. If it was an old friend, no reason to be so rude to her.
Oh well, I guess it is what it is..
Thanks all

"I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go."

Second what the others have said. Not every interaction between opposite sexes involves sexual/ romantic intent. If a guy I know and have a legitimate reason to ask their number would refuse it, I'd find that very strange. Maybe I'd ask if they are in a controlling relationship and need help 😄

With the best intentions towards you, perhaps your SO didn't tell you because he felt you might react that way. When she called up, he made no attempt to hide it and told you everything. Someone hiding it wouldn't have taken the call and made up some bs story. Sorry but no fault on his part at all.

You seem to take pride in him telling you everything, you knowing about every minute of his day etc. Have you ever thought this may be a form of wanting control? I don't mean this in a bad way, I have control issues in relationships (like knowing what they are doing and when, who they're with, huge double standards in terms of what I expect them to do and what's ok for me) and I've decided to work on them as they don't help anyone.

I have male friends going back many years which he knows about but I would never swap numbers with another man whilst being with someone no matter how far back we go.

Good grief.
Your are in a relationship, not purdah.

btw - your partner has done nothing wrong.