Around three years ago I met a man from an online dating website. We hit it off, both seemed to feel the same connection and want to pursue things.
Just for background I genuinely fell in love with him, I still love him and honestly think I always will - haven’t felt that way towards someone ever, even in previous long term relationships. So feeling this way hopefully goes some way to explain why I’ve acted such a fool.
Around six months into us being exclusive he suddenly pulled away with no explanation - eventually with some coaxing he admitted that I had done some things which had upset him and made him see me differently - he refused to elaborate or explain what these things were though. He blocked me everywhere and we didn’t speak for several months.
This was hand on heart one of the most difficult, painful things I have been through, he completely pulled the rug when I thought everything was fine and I was left questioning everything and trying to work out what I did wrong. I still don’t know.
He randomly unblocked me and started speaking to me again, confessing that he still had all these feelings and wished we could give things another try. It was music to my ears; even though I was a bit wary I was open to trying again with him because I was (am) so in love with him.
From this point onwards to now, which is over a year, he has just constantly fucked me around. Met up sporadically, made big promises about our future and being in a relationship which never materialised, while
openly interacting with women he doesn’t know on social media (liking/commenting on their photos, complimenting them etc), randomly ignoring me for days or weeks on end then reappeared as if nothings wrong, and it’s having a really negative impact on my mental health and mood. Making plans for us to go on a date or meet up, and then ignoring me on the day or bailing at the very last possible minute.
I know I’ve been really stupid and weak to allow things to go on like this for so long, and now I feel stuck in this horrible dynamic where I know he will reappear from time to time and waste my time/emotion some more.
I’ve spent most of this afternoon feeling tearful and upset about it all, I know I need to cut him off but I really do love him and the thought of never seeing him again or having him in my life is so painful even though I know he is having such a negative impact.
Thanks for reading this far, I just need some advice and words of encouragement on how to proceed here. Do I send him a last message saying I don’t want further contact, and delete / block? Or just delete/block with no explanation or conversation? (I think if I do this he will find a way to contact me to find out why I’ve done it).
thanks in advance