Is anyone else lonely?

[NairobiGal]

I'm a lone parent. I've not had a proper relationship for 4 years since my son's dad. Son's dad isn't in our lives, he's a safeguarding risk, and for a while I didn't want a relationship with anyone else. It nearly killed me leaving him, I nearly ended up in a refuge, I am so f*ing proud of myself for getting us both out of there and fighting him in court on my own. For a while I was just lapping up the novelty of not being controlled. It was genuine bliss waking up with my son in my bed with me and just being able to breathe. Just the two of us. I've dated a bit in the last year but nothing had stuck. I'm starting to feel a little bit lonely, and would love a relationship. So many obstacles. Full time work. Full time mum. So very little time. It just feels impossible. I'm in my 30s and I feel like my chance of meeting someone nice, having another child etc is slipping away a bit. I'm so grateful for my son but life all feels so monotonous and it's starting to get to me. Anyone else feel the same?

Even my post is lonely 😂

I'm still in the blissful stage of loving not being controlled. We separated almost 2 years ago now but he was still very much controlling us until February this year. He too is a safeguarding risk and isn't allowed to see the kids without applying to court and having an assessment. I'm just not ready yet and haven't really got the time for a relationship anyway. However, I'm done having children so that's probably another reason why I'm not bothered right now. There's plenty of time for you and after the last experience at least you know what to look out for early on

I think the way that you are feeling is perfectly understandable. Dating, but it not turning into anything longer term, after a shitty relationship isn't unusual - take your time, who cares if you date a little then decide they're but for you-that's far better than ending up in a bad relationship again. Maybe enjoy Christmas with your child, then in the new year try dating again...and in the meantime flick through the crazy relationship stories on here and thank the lord you got our of yours.

Well done for getting out. I've been through the court process and thankfully the judge saw through his bs and gave him no contact.

Single and just been me and my daughter for 4 years. Loved it and having my own home and making my own decisions but now she's a teenager I'm feeling very lonely. I worry about money and only having 1 income and spend so much time on my own and worry about when she leaves home.
You've been through so much and been so strong, and just wanted to say well done

I'm only 8 weeks into being single after STBEXH left and I already feel very lonely at times. It's more the loneliness of single parenting for me - doing it all for young children on my own rather than the physical intimacy of a relationship

Honestly I've dates a few people but there's always been something weird come up. One was a guy who asked my bra size on a first date, another it came out that he was completely anti vaxx, another was watching pregnancy and lactation porn and thought this was cool to share, a couple just normal and didn't work out. Never gotten past a few dates bar one guy who I'm now friends with and decided mutually that we were better off that way. It just all seems so dire !

Thanks that means a lot!

I'm the complete opposite. I love the single parenting and miss the intimacy, sex, having someone to talk to, etc.

@NairobiGal

Honestly I've dates a few people but there's always been something weird come up. One was a guy who asked my bra size on a first date, another it came out that he was completely anti vaxx, another was watching pregnancy and lactation porn and thought this was cool to share, a couple just normal and didn't work out. Never gotten past a few dates bar one guy who I'm now friends with and decided mutually that we were better off that way. It just all seems so dire !

Oh Christ yep-they walk amongst us!! 😂 The problem is they seem ok when chatting but then it just turns crazy!

This is the problem! I used to think I could spot a weirdo from a mile off but they seem so normal.

Yes me,
lone parent, 4 kids can’t date as with me full time (don’t see their father) been single for 5 years sick of people telling me I should be happy on my own, I miss intimacy I haven’t slept with anyone in 5 years I feel young to be celibate for years!

You could explore going down the sperm donor route if you want another child?

Honestly, I'm really against sperm donation for my own personal reasons (no judgement for people who do go down this route). My best friend was conceived through sperm donation, was there throughout her trying to find her biological fayher, and it royally fucked her up, so I am biased but I just wouldn't take the risk.

Since 2005 any treatment done at a fertilility clinic in the UK stipulates that the recipient must use an open ID donor. When the child turns 18 they're allowed to be given identifying information by the HFEA (Human Embryology Fertilisation Authority). Donors aren't "fathers" they are donors.

Am aware. My friend referred to him as her bio father so that's what I used. She was trying to track him down to get in contact with him. She was aware of who he was.

Sorry that sounded like I was being arsey. I really wasn't!

@zonky there's not al lot of shared experiences, intimacy and lurve in a relationship with a sperm donor.

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to kill your thread. I think you're great and doing brilliantly.

Why would she refer to him as a father? She clearly wasn't explained things properly by an adult when growing up.

Op said she wanted another child, relationship and having a child on your own aren't mutually exclusive.

Yes, I am lonely. I have been widowed for almost 9 months and DH was very disabled by a stroke in the three months before he died so I almost a year since I had a proper, adult conversation in the evenings. I miss him every day. I don't know if I will ever have another relationship, I am almost 60 and I foster, fostering would make having a relationship difficult but I am not sure I want to have one anyway!

I'm 10 weeks in since he left. I am on my own in a very small town without many friends. Trying to get the house ready to sell and move back to my hometown with my family and friends. It's extremely lonely at times.The price of gas is too much to go visit as it is a 3 hour drive each way to see friends. I spend weeks without company BUT.. I don't miss the arguing, the feeling of being alone even when he was here, the constant sports in another room, the lack of attention while he was on his phone all the time, him leaving evidence of pleasuring himself , the cooking and cleaning. I remind myself everyday of these things. I know it will get easier over time. It will for all of us, we deserve to be happy ❤

I have a lot of moments of loneliness, mostly when my STBXH has our DD. In fact I hate being alone when she's not with me and I find myself worrying about the future when she's not going to want to be at home with her mum!

Friends tell me to try and enjoy time for myself, take a nice bath, read a book etc. But I hate the silence in the house.

I also really miss the simple things like sitting with my ex watching a movie with a takeaway.

It sounds like a lot of people lack friends and family close by. Do you need to be in a relationship to enjoy a take away and a movie with someone?