Cheating but being gaslight help

[Wellitjustgetsworse]

There have been a lot of issues but as it's getting more real I keep flipping between the two as I will be leaving with nothing but the clothes on my back, having to restart life after nearly a decade..

I suspect he's been cheating with someone at work. I feel if I had it in black and white it would help me stay strong and not give into his lies over the coming weeks.

The worst part is I'll find something and he will deny it to the point I start thinking it could be maybe be true and that what we have could be worked on. I know..

I feel ill and mentally exhausted and possibly going insane.

I saw messages one evening and asked about it. He barely let me see and then the next day when he calmly did there were many deleted. He now admits he deleted some because I'm so unreasonable it was the only way..

He looks her up online and the words she uses in their messages and I've recently seen you can find someone's recently used emojis and he's saying the rude ones he hasn't used but the rest are in his chats so I can't help but think he has deleted ones with those in and this might have been more than an ego boost as he's trying to paint it.

He now hides his phone like charges it with it under the bed or its in his pocket. This doesn't help me believe he has nothing to hide. He has denied it's anything more than a close friendship.

It also doesn't help that apparently it only went that far that one time which is when I saw it. The messages alone aren't really sexting or anything but highly unprofessional and some very late at night.

She has also deleted msgs so I just don't believe it could be anything innocent and I know I should just leave as it is but this is the hardest decision I'll ever make and we also have small kids and I just look at them knowing it will hit them hard.

I want to know if anyone ever got the truth or did you leave with dignity?

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It’s so horrible and distressing when they just lie and lie and it makes you doubt yourself even though you know the truth. You can’t trust him and a relationship has to trust to survive. Lots of us try to try for the sake of the children but they only do it again…

Is this a recent thing? Has it happened before?

Why would you leave with only the clothes on your back. Cant you ask him to leave? Surely he wouldn’t want the children to lose their home?

This is such a common scenario on MN, and it's always a shock.

You'd do well to read some older posts from others that have gone through all the same things, as lots of posters have given really good advice ?

The 'denial' and 'minimising' as well as the blaming you (because you're SO unreasonable !) are all parts of the 'script' all cheating men seem to follow too.

You are NOT 'unreasonable'.
You are NOT 'imagining' it.
And it's NOT 'all innocent'.

Not married and his home we been engaged for a very long time but can see now he financially wants me to be stuck at home. He's a high earner..

He's come home and annouyed with me for not being happy enough when I found out only days ago he cheated on me.

Emotionally whatever but he lied and is still lying to me and it's the worst part.

He's made out he did this because I moan to much or not happy enough and it's just so hard not to try be better but even now I realize how ridiculous he is.

Annouyed with how I saw yes for example he asked if I was going to his family bonfire event. He will even criticize how I say stuff to point I feel I can't talk normally.

I just want should proof this has done a number on me

I just need to make some money and go. I keep thinking he's this great guy because that's how the world sees him and it's because of me I make him who he is at home but I know when I'm level headed enough this can't be true and what the world sees must be the fake version.

He's so charming you wouldn't believe..

Yeah I've been reading so many old threads today wish I could find some where it shows with them getting out and happy. It's so scarey to just up and leave and go into a refuge or council and hope we will be somewhere okay.

You could find him having sex with her and he’d still deny it. He’s never going to admit it, but you know it’s happening, I think for your own sake, you need to trust your instincts, accept he’s cheating, and stop looking for evidence. It only ends in him lying to you again and making you feel worse.

Instead of focusing on evidence, start focusing on getting out - that’s where your energy needs to be focused now. Do you have children? Do you work or have access to any money?