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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me sort my life out.

11 replies

InsertSomethingInspiring · 01/11/2022 10:24

Hi,

So just split up with partner. I feel completely ground down though and struggling to cope with daily tasks (this has been going on for a while).

I'm a hoarder and disorganised, completely overwhelmed.

How do I get out of this and get a routine? Does anyone have a rough list of stuff I should do each day? It honestly feels so long since I've had a proper routine, I've been treading water for about 2 years. My relationship has just made me feel like I am nothing, I'm hopeless.

I need to start getting out the house as well but everything just seems so much! I suppose I'm looking for advice on how to start living normally. Tips for small changes which will hopefully turn into big changes?

I've recently started on anxiety medication but it will take a while to work,

OP posts:
InsertSomethingInspiring · 01/11/2022 10:40

What does a typical day look like in your average household?

OP posts:
StarsAtElbowsAndFoot · 01/11/2022 10:42

Hi OP, I’m following because this is currently me as well.

PleaseBeHonest · 01/11/2022 10:43

Fly Lady. Truly life changing.

InsertSomethingInspiring · 01/11/2022 10:45

StarsAtElbowsAndFoot · 01/11/2022 10:42

Hi OP, I’m following because this is currently me as well.

Awful isn't it! Flowers

OP posts:
InsertSomethingInspiring · 01/11/2022 10:45

PleaseBeHonest · 01/11/2022 10:43

Fly Lady. Truly life changing.

Thank you! I'll have a look!

OP posts:
minidancer · 01/11/2022 10:45

Do you work? Can you fit in a 20 minute walk or HIit session. This will make you feel better straight away and give you more energy.
Can you get a friend to spend a day with you helping you to de clutter? It's always more fun with a friend and wine and they will help keep you focused.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 01/11/2022 10:47

Everyone is different so my advice might not hit the spot. When my husband left us I changed the bed. I actually cleaned the mattress first ! I cleaned the bedroom to within an inch of its life and removed any trace of him from there.
That was a good start. It became my haven. I put nice things in there.. candles and nice pink things :)

singlemomof3 · 01/11/2022 10:47

I'm fairly recently separated.

I take a room at a time to de clutter, clear, deep clean, pack STBEXH things.

Once it's clear I make a list of things that need to be done in that room - I'm staying in the house though so a bit different - things like, paint wall, change curtains etc

I then move on to the next room

Regular tip visits - I have to pre book so I know I have to be organised and get it ready the night before and loaded in the car that way I can't talk myself into not bothering to go

mummymeister · 01/11/2022 10:49

you are looking at all the problems in your life at once and trying to solve them all in one go which is why you feel overwhelmed. no one can do this. what you need to do is look at one thing at a time and work on that. so if the main thing is the house and hoarding then just think about that, nothing else. just work on strategies to deal with that. or if that in itself seems too difficult then pick getting out of the house. arrange something every day. even if its go outside walk for ten minutes and come back. give yourself small achievable goals that you can then achieve feel good about and set new ones. there is no quick fix or magic bullet here. its only you that can change this but you need to be more realistic and think of baby steps not huge leaps.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 01/11/2022 10:50

I know it probably feels completely overwhelming right now, but baby steps!

Even asking for help is a good start, well done.

I also found that fly lady can be very helpful. There are YouTube channels where people go through step by step what to do, and I found it easier to follow them than absorb a book when I was feeling very low. Might be worth a try?

is the one I followed
Toomanysleepycats · 01/11/2022 11:12

It really depends what age you are, if you have children or wether you work.

Im retired and getting my house ready to sell re divorce so will have to declutter massively.

My routine is to wake up naturally (I often sleep really badly) so this makes a huge difference to my motivation the next day. I sit and have coffee x2 and read.
Get showered and dressed, make bed and tidy my room. Kitchen to unload dishwasher, generally tidy, load washing machine, clean counters.

3rd cuppa and read (ipad or book). Have lunch. By then it’s usually about 1 or 2pm. Then I settle down to get on with ‘stuff’. Summer it’s often in the garden. In wet weather I will usually do something like sort cupboards, ironing, clean windows etc. i hoover, mop floors, do bathrooms once a week.

At the moment I am spending the afternoons doing some painting and decorating Eg skirting boards and door architraves. When this is done I will start the decluttering.

I usually finish when I’m either bored, tired or have finished the job. Could be anytime from 5pm onwards.

I tend to watch tv from 7pm onwards, I will cook my dinner when I start getting hungry. I go to bed mostly between 10 and 11. I tidy kitchen and load dishwasher before bed.

This may be way too detailed for you, or is is not appropriate. I find reserving a chunk of time in the afternoon works for me. I also do the jobs I feel like doing (within reason).

The thing is, I get way more done in the house with this system than my STBXH who will get suddenly very busy with new projects, which he leaves unfinished. He wastes a lot of time doing nothing, (watching you tube) but endlessly says how busy he is. All those unfinished jobs from 15 years ago now have to be done before we can sell. He is beside himself in feeling hard done by.

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