Feel so upset now

[Feeloverit]

I have spoken about this many times on here.

Met a guy say 9 years ago on dating site I was interested in him to be honest. I was actually just dating many different guys kind of had gone off the rails due to splitting with son's father.

So then the time I said let's see if this guy still available he said sorry he getting married. I didn't fancy him as didn't know him at all.

Then bumped into him at a bus stop he said hi but said didn't you get married. From there think he led me to believe he separated from the wife. Well things didn't seem good for newly married man he didn't seem. Stupid allowed him to come and see me in my temporary flat. As I was going through a lot probably lonely etc. We danced, kissed and yes he tried it on said no. I pressed him and discovered he still married living with the wife. He had a call left and I cut him off.

Then he contacted me saying he was at an event met him and yes stupidly went to hang out with him but then said sorry you enjoy yourself let me go home. Didn't feel right just felt all wrong. Then again following year same event he messages me again. This time I say to him sorry I am dating someone.

Before lockdown he messages so think this guy just won't leave me alone. Let me just talk to him never really got to know him properly. He put me in friends zone straight but weary of intentions. I got engaged and done this ceremony through my DP church. So told this friend think he was surprised but wish me the best.

We got closer but suppose I felt bad he seemed to remember so much about me. He started coming in my work place felt stupid for telling him where I work. Then I wondered what does he want. I met him once after as he brought his little boy in to get his wife a card from his son. Didn't really talk much he seemed stressed his little boy playing up so said bye went home.

The conversation was always through this social media site as I added me stupidly. He looked at at my stories comment always messaging then he make comments. If I said couldn't sleep he would say stuff about my sex life. I laughed it off but didn't respond. He seemed jealous too and once had said he saw me with him but couldn't say hi. The way he said it was like we were having an affair. We are friends you could of said hi my guy not the jealous type.

I also had a face to face talk about what are we. I was confused he said we friends but with a grin on his face he does flirt. After that he totally backed off well he kind of did before but I became dependent on him. Maybe started to like him more than I should. But actually put the whole what are we on him. The only thing I said was I felt closer to him now than years ago. In lockdown we spoke about him cooking and that he like my DP his wife like his cooking.
His birthday day after mine and we would wish each other happy birthday.

So I am upset whatever it was it has gone although he said he there he backed off. I don't know if I have feelings but miss him. He online doesn't talks to me and if I do it's like not the same.
I been upset as if he wanted to get me back for rejecting him years ago this time it worked..I told him too much about my DP and how things wasn't great.

I feel stupid to have got close to him. Don't know what it was but he said we are friends.

I think I expected too much from him. This not a friendship is it?

@Cheminaufaules

No he did want sex in my flat that time. I said no think I knew he wasn't telling me the truth. Past is the past but still wish I talked about it now with him.

I should of had that conversation before getting closer to him even if I wasn't sure of his intentions.

I just want to talk to him sometimes but need to leave him be. My DP doesn't always get me but he does.

How the hell are you making this your partner's fault when it's been going on so long?

The point I was making to you about him going to your flat was that you appear to think he was pursuing you, as if you think he's really into you and waiting for you to leave your DP. But that's not always the case. Men get tempted, aroused, want to have sex especially if you have made it easy for him, but that doesn't mean he necessarily sees it as a romantic thing.

Could his wife have known that you were friends @Feeloverit ? Because I don't see how you and he could have chatted every day during lockdown without her knowing about it?

Is he short of friends and is that why he messaged you?

@Cheminaufaules

I just think he was after sex when I invited him up to my flat. We danced, kissed and ended up on my bed where I said no.
When I realized he still very much with his wife it was like he in my flat oh sugar. A bit silly of me he could of done anything to me. Thanks for the call that made him leave.
I doubt his wife knows about me and him. She might know he has female friends but trusts him..now he seems happy.
Just stupid I got close to him and well started liking him more than I should. Then it hit me the what if and I missed my chance. I turned him down before he got married. As I could see he was alright although seemed like a bit of player too. This why I would make jokes go him be good he be like always good.
Despite having mixed up feeling won't act on it now. Just missing him a lot now.

You’re tying yourself up in knots reading into what things he’s said or done in the past might have meant, when what’s happening now is that you revealed your feelings/intentions, he immediately distanced himself, and now he’s not even talking to you. He’s being very clear that he’s not interested. You’ve even said yourself that he seems happy in his relationship. None of this in any way suggests he’s interested in you romantically or sexually.

“I don't believe he wanted friendship I do believe he wanted sex” - he’s explicitly told you, more than once since you’ve been back in touch this time, that he only wanted friendship! Again, if a man posted something like this about a woman we’d tell him he needed to leave her alone, immediately.

Just block him. It’s not even like you’d be losing anything if he’s not talking to you anymore. It’s obvious he doesn’t want any kind of a relationship with you (not even a friendship at this point), and you get upset when you see him online - keeping him on your social media is just leading to you tormenting yourself. Blocking him gives you control of the situation, stops you from looking at his page (which won’t help you), means you don’t see him online and don’t get upset, removes the temptation to contact him.
You need to focus on what’s going on in your relationship, either fix it or leave, and forget this other man.
Why haven’t you blocked him?

@ponyrabbit

He doesn't know how I really feel for him.

Yes if I was single and given the chance he would want sex. His idea of friendship is my idea of it.

Yes I should block him but can't. Just need to sort my feelings out.

Even if I block him he knows where I work he got my number.

I do care about him and he does care for me too. When I'm going through something he like he worried about me I won't tell anyone what's happening got a lecture.

I try to just move forward somehow.

I am feeling better and think I am just going to move on now. I won't block but won't even think of him as I got so much to really think about and occupy my mind.

I do miss talking to him like we use to reconnected. Think maybe it's just that even though I've had confused feelings like him coming to comfort me when my current relationship breaks down. We kiss etc all a fantasy. Like I said he not going to rescue me I am just overthinking nonsense.

What happened in the past was the past need to let it go. The different direction my path took and we didn't get together romantically was best for him and me. Do I believe we are friend I don't know. We know each other for years now. We talk ask each other how we are doing online that's it. He stopped the flirty messages so have I.
It's fizzled out whatever this is between us. I think it's childish to block him unless he posed a real treat to me. Just maybe get my head together. Leave him be won't be ignoring him but will be polite if he contacts. Unless he says anything else or says what I am thinking not need to say nothing just carry on living my life.

I hope for your sake he stays backed off so you have chance to get over it.
Read your other thread on this, if you're not blocking him are you going to stop 'accidentally' calling him then hanging up or putting vague posts about him on your status? Blocking him isn't childish but that kind of is! Don't want you to keep getting upset but you're sort of asking him to contact you by doing that!

But he would turn our conversations into sex talk about me and my guy that's what got me uncomfortable. So ignored it but use to say feel sorry for your wife. I made comments at the beginning saying I know what your like. Again that moment obviously we had still in my head and how upset he made me feel then I should of addressed it first.

OP I can see you are upset & confused.
But until you take responsibility for your own actions, you are going to continually run into situations like this.

When a man lies about being married, sends you sex-pesty texts,

But he would turn our conversations into sex talk about me and my guy that's what got me uncomfortable. So ignored it but use to say feel sorry for your wife. I made comments at the beginning saying I know what your like. Again that moment obviously we had still in my head and how upset he made me feel then I should of addressed it first.

OP I can see you are upset & confused.
But until you take responsibility for your own actions, you are going to continually run into situations like this.

When a man lies about being married, & sends you sex-pesty texts - AND YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE TOO - the way forward isn't to engineer a face-to-face meeting to agonise over "what we are" FFS.
The way forward is to tell the sex perst that you don't flirt with married men, are not interested, & to stop messing about pretending to be "friends".

What you are is 2 people deliberately engaging in an emotional affair.
What you are is someone who is using "confusion" & "stupidity" to excuse your knowing actions. How can you not see what he is doing?
He lied to you about his marriage, he is lining you up to be his bit on the side.

Go & read your OP again.
Count how many mentions of this sleazebag you make, & then count how many times you mention your actual partner.
This man didn't MAKE you keep talking to him once you found out he was married. He didn't FORCE you to keep accepting his sext-talk. He didn't COMPEL you to disrespect your current relationship. You made those choice. You allowed yourself to become his extra-marital plaything. The woman he is dangling on a string because he intends to shag her one day.

It's fizzled out whatever this is between us.
There is nothing "between you". Life is not a romance novel. You are one of probably several "potential back up shags" this man plays.

I think it's childish to block him unless he posed a real treat to me.
Stop selling yourself this utter bullshit. It's childish NOT to block him. You simply don't want to admit it to yourself - but you want him to chase you. Hence your comment about "but if I block him he still knows where I work". More excuses.
He DOES pose a threat to you. He will make you unhappy. You will make your partner unhappy.
Is that not enough of a threat?
Does he need to beat you black & blue before you realise that married players who send you sleazy texts are a threat to your werllbing?

Wake up & make better choices.
You've said it yourself - you know he's a player.
Why are you valuing yourself & your partner so poorly?
You know where your block & delete buttons are. Use them.

That was in the past and he not like that now.

Our conversations just purely simple how are you? It's not much said now.

Don't actually think I interest him no more. He could be talking to someone else and if that's the case at least I am out of it. I feel sorry for his wife but definitely he getting entertainment from somebody else.

So best move on from him. I am missing something I never had. Whatever we did have was in the past was when we reconnected simply maybe him testing the water.

He can sit there watch my statuses couldn't care now.

I got a lot on my plate which he knows about he hasn't got a choice but to back off.

You are actually OTT exaggerating now lol.

You have no idea now what your talking about honestly.

I actually think whatever he thought he has moved on.
I even have to do the same not think of the past or anything.

He and I are kind of alike too. So we both not saying the truth to each other.

I don't think I explained properly but all I know he just someone I know.

I appreciate all advice you given even if some of you way off.

OK OP.

You had a deep & meaningful 'something' with this sleazy would-be cheat, & have started a thread in order to justify your over-involvement & so that you can keep obsessing about him.

Keep stalking each other on social media, keep yourself open to his intrusive questions about your & your partner's sex life, & above all - value yourself by that all-important question of whether he is still interested in you or not.

He and I are kind of alike too.
This is possibly the most insightful comment you have posted here.

So we both not saying the truth to each other.
& YOU are not saying the truth to anyone. Most of all yourself.

I actually think whatever he thought he has moved on.
I even have to do the same not think of the past or anything.

Bollocks.
If you wanted to move on, you wouldn't be obsessing about your emotional affair on MN, & you would block him. But PP are not going to be able to persuade you to abandon your folly, so I will leave you to it.

This.

You don't know us really.

Everything in past and we not in contact there's nothing really now.

I posted I felt better you going on like you know me you don't.

I know what I done and I know how he was and he not like that now.

I know what I need to do in order to move forward.

Like I said I mixed up past with present so could be all me. It could of been him but he never know what I am feeling.

Our communication is dead now. So why your getting angry over someone's business lol.

You trying to give advice had turned into an attack I will only take on advice that people have spoken to me like absolute rubbish. At the end of the day no one's perfect and definitely not you.

But the blocking will only happen if he over steps if he blocks me then it's for the best.
There's not concerning at this present time. It just my overthinking that got me upset.
Using him as escape sometimes he not something I actually want. I know what my mistake is.
I do feel better and weather you believe that or not don't need to prove that to you. Stop lurking on MN to attack people on their thread unless you can be nice.

For those who has responded given good advice to me thanks taken it on board. It is my call to block him and yes will consider it.

Right now got so much on my plate.