Most people forgot my birthday..?

[clairejnelly99]

I'm 33, and each year I dread my birthday - wondering who will message and acknowledge but most of all realising who doesn't.

Again this year my husbands side of the family forgot. His mum we did see the day before for a meal but I text her on my birthday with a pic of my daughter and she didn't acknowledge or send any wishes ..

I'd say a handful of friends (who I speak to most weeks) also have forgot ...

I know people have their own lives... but I'm human and have feelings and it hurts when I think a lot of these people.

My husband spoke to his mum and off the back of that I then got some messages, apologising / but his mum still didn't reach out to me even though she knew I was upset.

I really don't know what to think

In your shoes I would go onto Facebook and post "it's my birthday and all you sad faced areoles forgot. However, you can worship me now and I shall forgive you again until next year."

But that's just me. If I want somebody to tell me "happy birthday" at a prescribed time, I'll tell them exactly WHEN I need them to tell me "happy birthday". Life would be much easier if we were all up front with our needs all of time and not blindly hoping others have the same modus operandi as me. I don't ray care about birthdays unless it's my sister or our kids. That's it. I certainly wouldn't be messaging me DHs family to say happy birthday. Unless I somehow KNEW it was important to them . Like if they told me. Others is just assume they are like me?

Op a Happy Birthday. I think mine comes up on FBook the date. Friends would text. We just do cards as so many now. But yes not nice as you say

So stop texting happy birthday to others then it saves everyone another thing to do.

My brother in law and his wife forget every year. Instead of being upset ( we all love each other) we just laugh. Busy lives - try not to take it personally

Happy birthday. It's mine too today.

I get a card from my kids, that's it. My dad doesn't even mention mine, so don't feel bad.

Happy Birthday OP. Mines on Friday this week.

I used to work with a woman years ago and her birthday celebrations lasted about a week with various lunches, evening events etc but she pretty much organised them all herself.

Now, I follow her example and organise stuff. I've just come back from lunch with ex colleagues and have other bits going on this week with other groups of friends and I've organised a firework party and bbq on my actual birthday. I think if you want people to acknowledge your bday you have to do the grunt work and sort it yourself and if it's important to you, tell people it's for your birthday

We just do siblings..no inlaws. My mil had no idea ever when my birthday was but it wasn't an issue. I'm not on Facebook so no reminders. Just have no expectations and you will not be disappointed.

I am happy with messages I receive but am not bothered in the slightest for any I don't and I certainly don't keep count on who does or doesn't

As an adult I think of my birthday is my day to do what I want, nothing to do with anyone else (apart from my mum and dad) that I am a year older

Happy birthday op,

I will be honest, I don’t get the angst over birthdays that many folks on here often have. For some folks it’s a really big deal.

which often makes me wonder if the rest of the year is a bit shite, so rhe birthday is something they focus on. If this is the case, I’d focus on trying to improve the other 364 days, where it then means your birthday is less of a focus.

each year I dread my birthday - wondering who will message and acknowledge but most of all realising who doesn't

this is just so weird and unhealthy. I can’t even perceive such a thing. As said, I think you need to focus on the rest of the year to understand why you do this.

something isn’t right, either it’s the rest of the year, loneliness, boredom, a desire to be popular, but dreading your birthday as you’re concerned who will remember isn’t right.

You say "each year I dread my birthday" - "wondering who will message"

Sorry but I think this is kind of setting yourself up to be disappointed.

Why don't you just focus on something nice you'd like to do as a treat and invite a few people - afternoon tea in a posh restaurant, or a spa day, or theatre matinee - something to look forward to enjoy with a few others.

OP, the reality is that the average person has large numbers of acquaintances, and then there are all the relatives and the kids in your family. Remembering cards for my close family members is about as much mental load as I can manage on top of all the other things in my life. I can’t mentally carry around 50 additional birth dates in my head for all my friends and acquaintances as well. It’s not about not caring - I’m there for my friends in all sorts of other ways.

Put your birthday settings on on Facebook, and most people will send you a message there. And get some friends together for a coffee, beer or lunch around that time.

As an adult, you do have to be a bit proactive if you want acknowledgement of your birthday (personally, I am not all that bothered).

Sending a photo to your MIL as a sort of test as to whether she will remember that that day is your birthday does come across as a bit passive aggressive, to be honest. I tend to mentally file people in the “hard work” category if they do things like this, and it makes me feel like I have to tiptoe around them to avoid offense-taking or a row.