Separation - needing space

[Neuronurse]

Been with DH 21 years, married for 12.

It's not been the easiest of relationships with lots of arguing and also what I now perceive to be emotional and physical abuse on his part.

Last week I said I needed time to think, nothing had really happened to spark this but I had been thinking about the last 2 decades and how I felt.

Initially he went to stay with a friend last weel and said he would give me space to think (I'm about to start counselling too!).

He has told me today that if I chose to end the relationship he expects me to leave the home. He knows that I would be unable to afford to move to a property that would accommodate our 2 late teens and 1 younger child. He also said that he would male arrangements with his work to allow him to be at home before and after school for out youngest (something he has not been able to manage when I've needed him to!)

We are married and the house is in his name only. I haven't decided what I want, but I feel pushed into a corner. It's stay, be with the kids but possibly be deeply unhappy or leave get a studio flat and he has the house and kids.

That’s not your only choice though, if you’re married the house is a marital asset so it’s not as simple as it being in his name and therefore his. I very much doubt he’ll rearrange work to accommodate childcare - he’s being threatening to keep you in a place.

Can you start looking at your finances, what you’d get in maintenance for the kids, benefits etc so you’re clear about what you can and can’t afford. Think of his threats as an extension of the abuse and seek legal advice about where you stand.

How old is your youngest child? They have a say in who they want to live with.

And you are married so the house is half yours.

Finally, my ex said he wanted 50:50 until he realised that meant he couldn't go to the pub on a Friday night. He gave up after one weekend. Your H may well not mean what he says.

Your best option is to get legal advice. Most solicitors offer first appt free and even if you eventually decide to stay, you'll be armed with all the information you need, legally (obviously not emotionally) to help you make that decision. Neither of you are automatically entitled to get to stay in the house, regardless of whose name it is in. Each case is unique and on here you will only get people's personal experiences, which will not exactly mirror your own and so the outcome won't be exactly the same.

Register your interest on the house deeds.

He is taking talking out his arse.

You can potentially force sale of the house.

Can you evidence that you are the primary cater of the DC - the one doing it all until now?

Thanks for the advice.

My youngest is 11.

I just feel such guilt as he hadn't been violent or really verbally abusive for a couple of years.

He just likes things his way and is quite demanding.

I've not been happy for years and I suppose I have only just found the courage to break away. I think this is what he is struggling with. He thinks it has been great and that the past is in the past. But it has been like a switch was flicked and I am questioning why I let me treat me the way he did for so long.

Anyone is entitled to end a marriage for any reason.

Marriage is a legal contract and you have legal entitlement to likely more than 50% of all shared assets (after debts).

He can't insist you stay because it's what you want.