Hi everyone,
Im feeling heartbroken. Me and my boyfriend have such a good relationship- apart from when he drinks too much.
I live in my house with my daughter who is 4 and he moved in with us about a year ago- just to clarify this has never happened in front of my daughter- she's never in the house- not that it excuses anything.
Myself and my boyfriend rarely drink but when he drinks too much he loses it. First time he was sober and made a harsh comment 'I can see why your ex didn't want to be with you'- completely out of order. my left my ex when I was 7 months pregnant and that was because I found out he was cheating on me. my whole life changed.
next time was when he had drank too much and at some point in the evening (usually around when we go to bed) he kicked off and I've never seen someone drunk like it, completely irrational, screaming at me about how I manipulate things and turning everything back on me, completely irrational and insane things.
I don't even know where he gets it from. this never stems from an argument and I try and stay calm and don't react.
another time we were visiting my family and when we went to bed he kicked off, again insane and screaming at me and shouting all crap and then saying that I was a liar and hurling shit loads of abuse at me. this time he grabbed my wrist and my car keys, my family came down and it all kicked off, my boyfriend was trying to ring the police because he said that I said he was lying, it was just absolutely insane.
since then he has been in therapy working on abandonment issues as he said he feels everyone is just going to leave him so he pushes them away. I said that was the last time and I can't do it anymore so he sorts his shit or that's it.
Now, this weekend we had friends round, we were playing a board game, having drinks and my boyfriend starts being rude to me which makes everyone think 'what the hell', then everyone leaves and he said he felt my mood shift and asked me why, I said he was getting drunk and being rude to me so it had annoyed me. this apparently wasn't a good enough answer, then the verbal abuse starts and he's erratic and saying me and my sister were making stupid looks at each other over the table and making fun of him and her boyfriend- this never happened and even my sister and her boyfriend said it was him who was rude and making it uncomfortable for everyone. Then he starts shouting that 'you're a fucking liar' because apparently I fabricate a life and tell him I love him and shouting 'fuck you and fuck your daughter' and that I need to call me cousin and tell him to give my boyfriend 20grand?? my cousin doesn't owe my boyfriend any money my cousin is just rather well. off because he's worked hard. He was saying how its always me and I manipulate things and this is what I do. none of it ever makes any sense.
He has said he will just not drink- I don't think drink is the only issue here as its absolutely insane and when it happens I'm scared. Ive voiced to him that I don't think it is just the alcohol and he doesn't agree.
I have a daughter to think about and although this has never happened in front of her or even her being in the same building (as we don't drink when she's in the house apart from me having the odd glass of wine) it now made me question him as a person and I've lost trust and I have to protect myself and my daughter.
I love him a lot and apart from this the relationship is good, but I will not accept that this is just down to him not being able to handle his alcohol and I am not in a position where I can take the risk.
I don't know why I'm writing this really but I'm finding it so hard, maybe looking for reassurance. He is still staying here, we only broke up yesterday and he needs to find somewhere to live. I really don't want us to break up, I want things to work and it not happen but I can't continue the relationship and accept the behaviour.