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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What has happened!

3 replies

Sausagedog31 · 30/10/2022 11:01

So 2014 I met a man, causal relationship texting regularly. Meeting every few months! Went until 2017. He said he wanted to see me more once he had got back from Devon where he had been working for 6 months. Bought me some nice shoes and then that was it he was gone! Nothing! no communication what so ever.
Fast forward to January 2022 and I get a message from him. All those feelings came back. Instant attraction started to take over! We chatted and met! He shared he was actually married when we were seeing each other. 4 children 2 of which were conceived while we were hooking up. 2 older ones not his.
I was shocked! He explained his ex had a drug issue and in 2019 he moved out no longer able to cope. He would have his children fridays through to Sunday. We chatted daily he shared images of family life with me. We would spend evenings together. We even planned a week away together. Everything was like it was before. We hooked up a couple times a month. Just like our relationship was before. Then one night when we were in the throws of sex he said he loved me! I was taken aback never expected that to happen.
And after that night he has not contacted me again. I'm trying to move on its been 2 months I feel like I have made a mistake! I struggle to concentrate wondering what's gone on!
Advice please

OP posts:
something2say · 30/10/2022 11:09

He can't be trusted. Let it die or he will be in and out like a barn door.

FlakeySalt · 30/10/2022 11:11

So he lied to you, put you at risk of STDs, and (if you believe him, which I don’t) decided to bring two more children into a world where they’re raised by a druggie?

Wouldn’t believe a word out of his fella’s mouth.

Raise your bar.

KettrickenSmiled · 30/10/2022 12:38

He explained his ex had a drug issue and in 2019 he moved out no longer able to cope. He would have his children fridays through to Sunday.

Oh right.
He couldn't cope with his wife being a druggie ... so he left his children in her sole care monday-friday. What a prince of a father.

I struggle to concentrate wondering what's gone on!
You've been played & you swallowed The Script that every cheating married man trots out to every willing affair partner.

You accepted a "relationship" with a man who only made time to see you every few months.
You believed his Future Faking about seeing more of you after he left Devon.
You carried on communicating with you when he finally came clean about being married.
You chose to believe whatever standard bullshit he told you about his marriage.
You cheerfully carried on shagging him as he shared images of his family life with you.
He disappeared on you again in exactly the way he did before, (only this time without so much as buying you a pair of shoes) & NOW you're wondering if you made a mistake?

You made a conscious decision to continue having an affair with a married man, & you have allowed him to treat you appallingly since 2014. Block him, & do some work on your self-esteem & boundaries. I think you need to do some counselling to find out why you tolerated such low engagement & poor behaviour. You've wasted 8 years on this man. It's time to invest in yourself.

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