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Original poster

So This is Over, Right?

22 replies

Squiddlydot · 30/10/2022 06:15

BF and I have been going through a difficult time recently - circumstances have changed which has meant us having to reduce the amount of times per week that we see each other, and haven’t been able to stay at one another’s houses at all.
Friday evening we had a date night. He asked me to stay but I couldn’t as I couldn’t find an overnight babysitter at the last minute. He was fine, and suggested Saturday night instead, which I agreed to.
During the day, plans changed and he ended up coming to mine, then he had to leave quite early in the evening (but too late for me to arrange a babysitter), which felt a bit intentional on his part.
We were messaging goodnight as usual and I mentioned feeling upset that things hadn’t worked out for us to be able to spend the evening together.
He replied that he hadn’t really thought about it but hadn’t meant to upset me.
I told him that I felt like he’d lost interest and that maybe things just weren’t meant to be right now.
His answer - ‘sorry, hug emoji’
I took that to mean he was agreeing with me and that things had come to an end. What would you think?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 30/10/2022 06:20

It's not clear. He hasn't agreed or disagreed clearly with anything.

Why are you asking on a forum, rather than asking him?

BCBird · 30/10/2022 06:27

Don't assume anything. I would always opt for face to face. Good luck. Take care

Original poster
Squiddlydot · 30/10/2022 06:34

It happened quite late last night and I felt so upset at his answer and the whole situation that has been building up, that I didn’t reply.

I’m asking on a forum for the same reasons anyone else does - for some opinions from people outside of the situation to get a sense check.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 30/10/2022 06:43

Just ask him, nothing to lose and then at least you'll know where he's at. But that's not more important than where you're at so think about what you want

MintJulia · 30/10/2022 06:46

His answer doesn't say he doesn't want to see you. Just ask him when you see him. Don't assume.

If you are in a relationship, you need to be able to talk to each other.

Watchkeys · 30/10/2022 06:47

People outside the situation aren't going to know what he means from a word and an emoji. Aside from him, you know best because you have the background, and you know all the nuances. Generally in a respectful relationship, you don't ever need to ask on a forum what the other person means, because you can ask them, and trust their response. It looks to me like the two of you don't communicate well in the first place. You're assuming his early departure was 'intentional', you're expecting him to assume that you've said it's over (when you haven't), you're assuming he's agreeing with you.

If you can't ask him, end the relationship anyway, on the basis of not communicating well enough to feel comfortable. If you can talk to him about it, tell him clearly how you feel and what you want, and make sure you get a response from him that you feel is clear.

Coatdegroan · 30/10/2022 07:03

Sorry hug emoji to me would not mean it's over. It sounds like he's acknowledging he's messed up. See if you can ask him, amd good luck. Its hard trying to have a relationship when you have young children. Havibg text conversations about such things is a minefield.

I feel like the replies you're getting are quite harsh.

GrumpyPanda · 30/10/2022 07:16

Doesn't sound like a breakup message to me.

KangarooKenny · 30/10/2022 07:20

It sounds like he’s not trying very hard, to be with you. Maybe he’s taking the easy way out and letting you end it.

minticecreamisjustok · 30/10/2022 11:44

He's certainly not putting in much effort to reply to your concerns, leave him to contact you and if he does suggest meeting or phone call to talk about it.

ShandaLear · 30/10/2022 12:07

It looks like you broke up with him and he didn’t really care. Both of you need to be an awful lot clearer.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 30/10/2022 15:34

Your text sounds like you were subtly breaking up with him Confused I know text/messaging is the way many people choose to communicate these days, but it's not a very good way of dealing with anything other than simple, non-emotional situations. My advice is to never use texts to try and sort out a relationship issue or to arrange anything complicated, always pick up the phone and actually speak to the other person. Way too easy to misinterpret messages.

EmmaDilemma5 · 30/10/2022 15:50

I wouldn't read it like that at all. Personally I think he's apologising for you feeling upset.

Do you genuinely think it's over or were you testing him?

My advice, is find someone you can be your true self with. That's the key to a long lasting, meaningful relationships. None of the stupid games. If you like him, then fight for him. Find a babysitter for a future date and tell him to keep it free as you are staying the night together!

I would also text him again, let him know you were disappointed and didnt really mean that the relationship has to end, just that maybe you both need to plan a bit more so you have more time for each other.

Games and throw away comments will only push someone away. Say how you feel, a true friend and partner will be ok with that.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 15:53

Your text was more like a break up message than his was. Just have an adult conversation - not via text and not when you're signing off for the night.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/10/2022 15:55

I would say it's more just a general apology, BUT you need to have a proper chat with him about where your relationship is.

notawittyname1954 · 30/10/2022 17:41

I would say his message is an apology.

Fairylightsongs · 30/10/2022 17:43

It reads to me like you were ending it, the sorry was sorry it’s come to this. Has he texted you today?

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/10/2022 17:46

This is where you both need to use your words.

Piffle11 · 30/10/2022 18:04

For me, when you said you'd thought he'd lost interest and it wasn't meant to be: surely if he was keen he would have said so? His response was ambivalent at best. I think this relationship has run its course.

Haffiana · 30/10/2022 21:07

I told him that I felt like he’d lost interest and that maybe things just weren’t meant to be right now.

But you have dumped him right here. So what does it matter whether he agrees or not? Why are YOU upset when you made your decision and - fuck me - you actually dumped him by text??

WhiteChocMocha · 30/10/2022 21:14

Think you need to have an actual conversation, not work on assumptions.

It was you that implied it wasn't working after all. You've had a few bad days, that's all. Just depends on how interested you are in him.

Him saying sorry can mean lots of things. Maybe doesn't want to fight over text? Maybe symphatises with your feelings but isn't sure what to say? Maybe thinks he has been dumped? Maybe agrees with you?

Talk it out, unless you actually happy and relieved for this to be over.

whenimakeithome · 31/10/2022 01:25

I told him that I felt like he’d lost interest and that maybe things just weren’t meant to be right now

I’m confused about why you are posting here complaining about him not being clear, wondering if he’s broken up with you when you sent him that message Confused

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