How do I keep saying no to a friend?

[SeventyEighty]

I met this friend through work. It's a very social industry, a really easy way to form friendships with people you have lots in common with.

Fast forward 15 years, and like a lot of people, my tolerance has changed. I don't know whether this friend did the things she does when I'm in her company back then, but now I notice them immediately and I dislike her for it.

For example, monologues, moans, if I've done it, she's done it better. One particular time I told her some important news in my life and her reaction was negative. It really upset me. She just talks and talks and usually it's not very interesting stuff. Ultimately, when I've been in her company she makes me feel crap. I'm a chatty, listening, focused person when in company of friends but she beats all that out of me when I'm with her.

Twice I've made excuses about meeting for a coffee (this is as far as our meet ups go now) but how do I do it for a third time?

I can't ignore her, as I'll have to work with her at some point. Do I just suck up at quick coffee every few months and grow a thicker skin?

I’m in a very similar situation with a friend who I work with. No advice I’m afraid but following with interest.

Avoid as much as possible. It's the only way. Avoid being alone with her.

'Sorry, really busy at the moment, how about in the new year sometime?'

Then in the new year, if she approaches, 'Sorry, really busy at the moment, how about in the Spring?'

ad nauseum.

Avoid and be busy if you do see her

No more coffees they just encourage her

Pretty much op,

When she suggests getting together, tell her you're really busy and will get back to her. Then don't. It better if you feel in charge rather than constantly coming up with excuses.

there was a recent thread on similar. I think in this instance with it being someone you have to work with that I would make a plan to reduce it to say 3 times per year to meet and be way less available but because work is involved I would endeavour to maintain a very low key relationship.

Thank you all for replying.

The third time came. I have something to give to her and she said she was nearby tomorrow. I'm meeting her at a coffee shop and was going shopping nearby anyway. I feel more in control that the meet up isn't at my house, for a start.

I have name changed since, obviously!

How did the coffee go?

I wouldn't write her off yet if this is a new issue between you.

I had a very good friend cut contact with me when I was suddenly going through a rough time and not lots of fun nights out anymore. In hindsight she did the exact same to somebody else who became ill.

This lady wants to be friends again. I've no interest. I was deeply hurt, deeply scared (I was single and had cancer) and now I am fully recovered I am enjoying my time with people who actually care about me.

She cancelled this time...

Avoid energy suckers. Protect yourself. As you are in same work space keep it open but just luke warm " hi, how you doing?"... but avoid 1:1s