MUMSNET PLEASE DO NOT POST THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
Somebody please talk some sense in to me.
I found out DP has slept with another woman. I had a suspicion and checked his phone. (I've never done this before) It appeared to be one occasion only from their conversation but I obviously cannot be sure. They were definitely having conversations I would describe as inappropriate and a complete betrayal of my trust.
I also discovered he'd been messaging 3 or 4 other women on social media and having inappropriate conversations, asking when he can visit one for sex etc..
Upon finding all this, my immediate response was to ask him to leave. He refused and said he'd do absolutely anything to keep us together. I allowed him to stay but couldn't even bring myself to look in his direction let alone touch him for a week or so. I eventually spoke to him and asked him to delete and block these women or it was over. Also that I need complete transparency, so access to his phone and that ALL his notifications were turned on so I could see conversations / messages coming through. He agreed.
Well, not one single notification has come through on his phone since that conversation we had and last night one of these women actually 'liked' one of his FB posts. He obviously hasn't done as I've asked.
I am mentally and physically exhausted. I love him with my entire heart and soul. We get on amazingly 90% of the time. We have disconnected over the past couple of years due to having two sick children. We nearly lost one of our children and he started drinking heavily. We are still battling for a diagnosis for our older child. He blames stress and alcohol for his behaviour. I cannot afford relationship counselling but could manage alone with the children and the house without him.
I feel like I'm just trying to survive, I feel numb, heartbroken and betrayed but I can't seem to find the anger within myself and I don't know why. I feel sorry for the stress he's endured although it is no excuse for his behaviour.
Why can't I just stop empathising, lose my temper and stick his bags on the drive? What the hell is wrong with me?