Dd broke up with her bf (19) this morning.
I am so very relieved as he was manipulating her so badly. But she had to see it for herself, although she has, she is properly broken hearted.
This is the 2nd abusive realtionship she has had to end, she is now blaming herself for liking the 'wrong type', and is generally just being really hard on herself.
He had really done a number on her, telling her what she can and can't wear, can and can't do, even approving or disapproving of her profile pictures! The more she tells me, the more my jaw just drops. Until a few weeks ago I thought everything was fine, but nothing has been fine for a while now.
As she opened up to me about him, we discussed it and she said she was waiting for him to break it off. Why, I don't know but I did say that the ball was in her court and it is OK for her to do it. (part of the abuse, he made her feel so worthless she didn't feel she could break up with him). I suggested she think about the position she is in, and that should she decide to, that sending him a message instead of speaking to him may be the best way to go about it. Purely because he is so manipulative that she would not be able to get out what she wanted to say.
So she sent the message. And gosh the backlash from him is just something else. He was completely blindsided, and it's clear he felt she could never do this. But the nastiness in his barrage of responses. Including her being a coward to do it by text. Which I knew would happen.
He then replied along the lines of, 'remember the nicest times we had together... Well I hope you never ever get the chance to experience someone being nice to you again'!! And this is just some of it. She didn't respond to any of it, just blue ticked him. Which sent him into a real frenzy. So after talking all morning, I've managed to convince her to block him on everything. And she found blocking him more difficult that sending the break up message.
As they have mutual friends (actually they are her friends who he has claimed as their friends and she can't even have any friends of her own in his world ) he's now contacted them, and they are contacting dd saying things like he's making threats to harm himself, he's going off it and just seriously ott things like this.
He is really showing his true colours now, but any advice from anyone to help me to help dd get though this. I know it's really raw now, but she is a mess. She is meant to be going to a Halloween party (he won't be there thank goodness) so I'm encouraging her to go to get out the house and it will take her mind off it. She doesn't seem keen on going anymore, so I won't push things and see how it goes.
I know it will take time, but even as a mature adult, I am completely floored by how awful he is being. He really has some serious issues to work through, but as I said to dd, she holds no responsibility there.
(now I have to just be sure she doesnt have a wobble and take him back (she has before) , but one day at a time for now).