How do you feel about talking to someone on the phone before a date?

[Notaboutthebass]

Got chatting to a seemingly nice man. In the week he asked for my number the day after we started chatting and I asked if we could carry on chatting online a little longer first. He was fine with this. Eventually I asked if he wanted to meet tomorrow (Sunday) and he said of course, and that it would be nice to chat on the phone beforehand. All reasonable of course especially because earlier I'd said I wasn't ready to give my number out. I agree that it's a step to ensure that you don't want to potentially waste time meeting if it's crap on the phone.
But why do I feel uncomfortable about this? It's not something I normally do, prefer the first contact to be face to face, and find it a bit weird. Anyone else?

I never chat with anyone on the phone and I never gave anyone my number until after the first date (if I wanted to see them again). It’s a lot easier to get rid of someone who has no way of contacting you if you unmatch them.

A few people asked to speak on the phone, I just said no. I like text based chats, then (if we decide to proceed) meeting in person. Mostly, they accepted that. If they didn’t, we were clearly poorly suited, so I ended the conversation there.

Your boundaries and comfort levels are your own and you don’t need to do anything you’re uncomfortable with (however reasonable it may seem) just because he’d like to. Say ‘no’.

I appreciate the advice thank you. I shouldn't have agreed to it, to be honest, as I don't normally. I agree with everything you say, I now need to figure out if I'm too busy to call him or just be honest (even though in the week I said I didn't want to give out my number). Arghhh!

It's not something I normally do, prefer the first contact to be face to face, and find it a bit weird

Not weird at all. But a lot of us are less used to phone calls than people were in the past, and feel anxious about them.

I think I like the idea of a video call. That way you have more of an idea of whether you find the person attractive or the conversation flows or whatever's important to you in a partner. So you really do get an idea of whether meeting for a date is a waste of time.

And if people do a video call, they needn't give the person their number.

I hate phone conversation with anyone

I met DH online in the days before apps and video calls (2010). We did talk on the phone first and I valued this as I knew he was genuine and if I got the wrong vibe then it saved me a disastrous evening and a waste of time and money meeting a crazy fucker.

Thank you everyone.
@maddy68 I do too!

I absolutely hate anyone other than my Mum phoning me at all, would happily ban them. So no. It's a lot of time to invest, chatting shit to someone you might not even like.

Meet online, swap a few messages, arrange, meet, decide 👍

I think it's quite useful.to have a 30 min- an hour convo before you meet, I've weeded out some idiots this way before (sexist, racist in one case, just nothing to talk about in another). No longer than that though, in person chemistry is the most important thing. I think it's essential when dating to respect your own boundaries though, that's the main thing.

So we actually played an online game together, and chatted at the same time, prior to meeting.

I have regretted not speaking to some dates before meeting, it would have culled the boring, unfunny monopolise the conversation ones

I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t really want to phone chat beforehand, it feels awkward. However I went on one date where the guy was really nice but as soon as he talked he sounded like a certain 90s kids TV presenter and I knew in an instant I wasn’t attracted to him! 😂 I think it’s helpful to send some voice notes or videos so you know how people sound beforehand!

I gave my number to a man I'd been messaging for a while. He rang at about 10pm on a Saturday, was very talkative and chatted for 3 hours. I couldn't get him off the phone but he did have a nice voice, confidence, charm and was quite entertaining.

Met him in a pub car park the next day and soon as he got out of his car and walked towards me I could tell I didn't find him at all attractive and there was absolutely no chemistry. I don't do phone calls anymore, IMO meeting up is the only option.

I went on one date where the guy was really nice but as soon as he talked he sounded like a certain 90s kids TV presenter

You have to tell us who! Please! 😂

This will put me to some people but….Timmy Mallet 🙊

out

🤣🤣🤣

I would prefer to speak on the phone first

So you can see why despite him being lovely, it was an instant “no” from me 😂😂😂

Thanks all.
Timmy Mallet OMG, I wouldn't be able to take him seriously 😂
Can't believe I've agreed to something I don't want to do. I definitely don't want to give out my number for a start until we've met. What do I say? "I know I said that you could have my number but feel it could be awkward and would prefer to do it face to face, but if you feel like you'd potentially be wasting your time, I understand"
I normally have strong boundaries and don't allow myself to be swayed!

Met him in a pub car park the next day and soon as he got out of his car and walked towards me I could tell I didn't find him at all attractive and there was absolutely no chemistry.

@LizzyELane Yep that's why a video call makes more sense.

I don’t think anyone could fault you! 😂

"Not into phone calls John and I'd rather wait until we've met before giving my number out, nothing personal just a rule of mine. Looking forward to meeting you on Saturday"

I think that sounds perfectly fair.

Yeah bless him but it was an instant turn off.

I do give my phone number when I get to the point of planning a date generally but if you’re not comfortable, I’d just say, “Actually I’d rather we met first and if we hit it off you can have my number” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Brilliant thank you!