Strength to get through this, give me 1%

[Neverfeltpainlikeit]

20 years together, 2 children in secondary school, we’ve had more ups than downs, or so I thought.

I accept it’s over, I’ve really tried, I’ve been accused in the past of not fighting for their love and making any effort.

I suppose my question is how long does this weight loss and sickness last, I know it’s not quantifiable and it’s different for everyone, but I’ve never felt this breathless chest pain before

is this love that I took for granted

Hi, this sounds so tough for you, I remember the feeling well when I discovered cheating. It WILL subside even though it feels like it’s never going to.

For me, the chest pain and breathlessness lasted around two weeks. I slept a lot which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend as it would probably have been healthier to do something to take my mind off it, but sometimes you just can’t. I completely lost my appetite but tried to force high calorie things down like crisps, biscuits and chocolate.

I tried doing things like watching TV but I couldn’t focus at all. The only thing that really helped was meditation podcasts. I listened to them constantly, even if I couldn’t always join in with the actual meditation I found the voice soothing. It helped me to put him out of my mind. It started off with just a few seconds of relief, but as I practiced more I was able to switch off my mind for longer periods. Audiobooks can be helpful too.

You could also try something that involves movement as your body is likely to be very tense and holding a lot in, which won’t be helping the chest pain. If you can face it you could try something like running or walking around the park. If not (I couldn’t) you could try something like dancing in your living room (doesn’t have to be upbeat music!) or following an exercise/yoga video on YouTube. For me it just helped to find a way to help release the feelings in my body.

I know it feels unbearable and endless but it will pass, I promise 🌸

Thank you for your kind words x

Hi OP, for the breathlessness and panic, your GP should be able to prescribe something for you, beta blockers etc. mine did.

I am 7 weeks post my husband of 24 years dropping the bomb that he was unhappy and leaving, although he has agreed to couples counselling. Is this an option for you and your partner? 20 years is a lot to give up.

I have a dog so walking him helps a lot, but the angst is very much still there. But is more bearable.

Hugs to you x

I think for the first time in my life I might need to admit defeat and say I’m not strong enough to get through this alone

Thank you, dog walk has definitely helped, I’m thinking of joining a walking group, trample on so to speak