Ending a marriage advice

[Giraffe888]

We are married with 2 small children. After years of verbal and occasionally physical abuse I have realised enough is enough and I really need to end our relationship for both mine and my children's sake.

we own a house together (mortgaged) and he’s always made it very clear that he won’t leave the home for us to stay living in it.

can anyone please give me any advice on steps to take? I know it won’t be a quick process but I need to start ‘getting my ducks in a row’

I’m going to get a free solicitors appointment for advice and also get the house valued to start with.

Many thanks

Have you taken DV advice, ie Women's Aid? I think a safety plan should be the first step before house valuations.

There are means to remove abusers. Make sure you disclose the domestic violence to any solicitor and that they have the right expertise so you receive correct advice.

There's legal aid for DV.

@tickticksnooze i haven’t no, thank you I wasn’t aware of that. I will add ringing them to my list

Have you ever discussed anybof the abuse with a professional of any kind? Because you're in a stronger position re legal aid if you have. (And it's a good idea)

@JanglyBeads no I’ve never discussed it with a professional, only with friends 😢 I have some of the events documented on my phone

I second the advice to talk to Women's Aid. AFAIK, women who have been abused may be entitled to legal aid, though I expect there would need to be some kind of paper trail or other evidence. WA will know.

Also inform yourself about the divorce process: Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, family lawyers websites, books from the library. Do this before your free consultation. Make a list of questions and compile a complete statement of your financial situation and take these to the appointment.

financial documents and should include everything: bank and investment statements, tax returns/statements, P60s, pensions, mortgage, debts or credit card balances, etc. Draw up an easy to read summary for your solicitor, i.e. separate columns for what's in your name vs his vs joint.

If you approach the whole process methodically and rationally, it'll be much, much more straightforward.

But also bear in mind how much each of you has the kids will influence what financial settlement is made.

Documented on yr phone sounds good - does this include evidence of the violence?