Where do you meet people?

[Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink]

Other than OLD, where do you meet people who might turn into dates?

OLD is just such hard work and have to do a lot of sifting to find people who converse like normal humans! Let alone meet someone I click with… let alone the kind of man I’d like to find - someone considerate.

I don’t meet anyone at work. I half WFH and am often talking to offices in other parts of the country on Teams for my job.

I don’t really have much time for groups/activities as I’m widowed and have a young child and work nearly full time. I need to pay for a babysitter to get out in the evening, which feels a bit chicken and egg… I need to pay for a babysitter to go where to meet people?? Can’t afford to do that regularly. I do have one weekday free to myself but then other people are working!

Just feel a bit stuck. I’m having some luck on Peanut making female friends, but feel stuck on the relationship front. Wwyd to meet people?

Could your friends set you up with anyone?
Pretty much everybody I have dated has been a friend of a friend and I married my best friends brother

Hmm maybe, thanks. I’m just starting out with making new friends really after a long long period of relationship trauma and hibernation, so I don’t feel like I know anyone well enough for that sort of thing yet. Maybe I just need to give it some time to make some deeper friendships.

I know this isn't the question but I think OLD is only suitable for certain personalities unless you're very lucky and find someone with the exact same morals who are only on there reluctantly and in hope. The whole thing is a game and often makes one sacrifice their own integrity. Having to accept that he may very well be dating / talking to other women etc, having to decide a lot faster whether or not you like them etc. Personally it's not for me. Rushed, forced and can be very cruel.

As for your question I think a lot of people these days meet at work.

You could try music recitals, book readings, guided walking tours, guided gallery tours, Meetup, tennis, winetasting classes.... do you have any interests?

Would you not consider it better to concentrate on building your budding new friendships rather than prioritising a relationship? I'm obviously not aware of why you don't have many or any friends at moment (maybe lost/isolated in the midst of your last relationship?) But my worry would be if you got back into a relationship whilst still fairly isolated friendship-wise, you could lose your new friends and the pattern would repeat itself. Build yourself a good, supportive circle first then maybe look to find a romantic connection, knowing that it's not going to be the only relationship/person you have around you

I ride around on my lovely old fashioned bike OP and that's how l get to meet people, they love to comment on it and go from there. Met some lovely folk, and today even whilst cycling round a nature reserve got chatting to a very pleasant friendly man, another fellow cyclist, and l will definitely be looking out for him again, he told me he cycles there 3 times a week.
l find walking and cycling is a natural way to meet people, start off by saying hello, next time you see them chat abit more etc.
I am also a widow, long time on my own and just looking for like minded friends really. I hate OLD, and stay well away from it.

I think staying away from OLD is not a bad idea, it's a full time job to find someone decent on there.
I'm guessing other single parents are your best way of meeting men your age?

OLD is more for the fun or something temporary to kill loneliness.
I met DP on a plane, he was sitting next to me on the Milan-Heathrow evening flight, we shared a taxi and exchanged phone number.

Pay that babysitter so you can go and do that weekly/monthly hobby that you’ve always wanted to do. You never know who’s brother or husband’s friend you might be introduced to by making friends through the hobby. And while you’re searching for Mr Elusive, you’re having a lovely time with new friends doing something you enjoy.

I’ve been introduced to 4 people’s sons since joining my local womens institute..

Thanks for the inspiration everyone.

I have interests (yoga, running, sewing/patchwork, would like to do an art class…) - it’s just challenging turning those into sociable activities when babysitting is so expensive and time is short.

My son is starting swimming classes tomorrow so maybe I’ll meet parents there.

@Eggygirl you have a point and it’s a question I go round lots. I have a complicated history and I’ve had lots of therapy. I don’t think there’s any danger of me falling into another codependent relationship.

Do you like dogs? I’m not single but have just become a dog person and never had so many conversations with strangers in my life and thought what a great way to meet people.

If you go for a particular breed there are meet ups and walks and people swap phone numbers to do ‘ dog playdates’ . Equally male and female too, unlike things like yoga, art groups , language groups.

No advice as I struggle working out where to meet people but I'm so glad others think the same as me about OLD. I can't abide this multi dating that goes on in OLD, when I was younger it was called two-timing and just not the done thing.

@Mislou allergic unfortunately, because having a dog would probably also help with day to day isolation.

I don’t mind people keeping their options open on OLD. I’m just fed up with the pool being mainly 19/20yr olds. I’m 37 🙄I just feel like the wrong demographic.

Which OLD are you using,
Ones like tinder are generally young but ones like eHarmony, Match and sometimes Hinge can be full of people in their 30s and 40s

Good luck with everything. Hopefully once you widen your friendship circle and trust is established, offers of babysitting reciprocally between your group will help with the cost of childcare while you pursue your own interests and start dating

do you not go to the pub ? Always plenty of men to choose from .

I wfh a lot recently and dislike it for that reason - lack of social/human contact a lot of the day.

I'd say

• work (get what you said though)
• events related to work or hobbies
• children's activities
• out with groups of friends - nice way to meet people that aren't total strangers
• out and about - I do meet people in coffee shops etc sometimes, though it's probably considered a bit strange now, chatting to a random stranger!
• online but not dating... e.g. ending up in a conversation with somebody on Twitter on a niche topic you both like
• picking up conversations with old friends you've not seen a while
• pub - do you have a local? If nothing else, at least the waiting staff know me well enough by now :)

Those any good?

@Eggygirl thanks

and thanks everyone for the ideas.

I think on reflection there’s lots of reasons why it’s hard to do these things like childcare/money, or they haven’t been on my radar (e.g. never did the pubs/clubs thing due to strict upbringing) and why loneliness feels extra stinging (not having any supportive/caring family)

I think if I wasn’t restricted by being a sole parent I’d have a much more vibrant social life. And maybe if my social life was better I wouldn’t have so many lonely moments where I really feel the absence of a family base?? Or maybe I just need to grieve that some more.

Maybe I just need to keep chipping away at the things I can do, and as my child grows and I progress at work/earn more, more opportunities will open up.

Try attending a church OP. If you have been brought up in the Christian tradition?You could attend a few churches to see where you are welcomed, and there will be activities for your DC there, too.

You could attend a few churches to see where you are welcomed

Says it all really!