Husband is a moody nit-picker

[PolyEsther]

Name changed for this as I know family are on here, and they'd sniff me out in a second.

In short - I need a rant, and some advice. Been with DH 6 years and he is fast becoming a stroppy sod. He nitpicks constantly and yesterday threw a sh*t fit because a relation of mine was visiting and (he felt) the flat was a mess. Cue lots of huffing and puffing and me being told off in a really condescending tone for not doing it sooner. I told him he was speaking to me like crap, and was told (once again) I was wrong - no he wasn't.

It tends to get worse around winter as - he thinks - he has SAD. I'm quite an emotional person anyway so feel any slight 'changes' in our dynamic. I'm just exhausted from walking on egg shells and then being told it a) isn't a big deal, b) "it didn't happen like that", or c) I'm making an unnecessary fuss.

So please help me out here. How much nitpicking and whinging is too much? And how do you combat it? We've been married only a couple of years but this can't be it forever.

The way you describe him and your reactions to him suggests that you're well on the way to feeling the ick...

This probably won't get any better.

Whatever you do, nail down your contraception. You don't want to add children to the mix!

End it now before you have children. He's abusive, disrespectful, and he's gaslighting you. Marriage shouldn't be this way and it's not your job to fix him.

Thank you both - can't pretend I haven't been thinking along the same lines lately.

You need to walk away. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and you are also not a rehab centre for such a badly raised man.

You are being abused here and he is not above gaslighting you either (trying to make you disbelieve your own version of what happened).

Do not bring any child into this abusive relationship. Plan your exit with due care and attention from this marriage.

Then don't wait. Like pp said, this isn't going to get any better. I guarantee it will get much, much worse. I cringe to think how he would be with children in the mix. Don't curse a child with him as their father.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

Use this thread to get the support you need to leave this man. You should still be in the blissfully happy phase of your relationship, you don't need more of this. He has a choice about how he behaves and he is choosing to be awful because he thinks you will put up with it. Walk away.