Jealous of past

[extrastrong]

I have an issue that's bothering me that I can't make sense of.
I have 2 girls and a wonderful partner who isn't their biological dad. We have been together 18 months and live together as a family unit. He parents well and is a good partner.
Before we met we both travelled loads in our younger years, both had 2-3 significant exes we have lived with and were both single for more than a year when we met.
What's bothering is that when he talks about holidays or travelling he has done in the past, I feel pangs of jealousy or sadness that we don't have that life now.
I'm not jealous of his exes and I'm pleased he has relationship and life experience.
I struggle with the knowledge that our life together is quite challenging sometimes- 2 professional jobs, 2 kids, housework etc and we can't just jet off together on relaxing holiday the way we might have done if we had met when we were younger/pre kids etc. He's really happy with our life (he says) but I feel something is off or that it could be more exciting/we have missed out on a relationship phase be cause we met after I already had kids/responsibility.
I don't want to get flames as it seems very much a problem of privilege but I don't want to get past it and enjoy the life I have and not the hypothetical one I feel we have missed out on.
Any advice? Can anyone relate?

I do want to get past it

I think perhaps you just need to reframe it in your head as not jealousy... more wistfulness based on the fact that life gets more complicated at times, especially as we get older. The trick is to remember that we can always find new ways of enjoying life.

Retroactive jealousy. It will only harm you x

I can relate, and likewise, I sometimes get a pang of- "I wish he'd had that history with me and not someone else". But, on the flip side of that, I know that he is with me now. And he's with me in part because he's recognises that I am not his exes, that I bring different qualities to the table, that he likes! I'm not sure if we'd met when we were younger we would be together- we almost needed our history to make us appreciate what we have now iyswim.

I know that the future is ours to enjoy, and make more memories in. Yes- our lives now revolve around children and a lot of humdrum, but it won't be forever. We will travel more, we will see things together...

I also occasionally listen to the song "in my life" by the Beatles. The lyrics sum it up completely!

I can totally relate @extrastrong. I spent years feeling this way and then suddenly it was like a lightbulb moment and those feelings faded. Probably after marriage and a baby and the security of the hum drum of daily life that he chose to spend it with me.
@sunlovingcriminal your words summed me up completely. I’m not sure if we’d met when we were younger that we would’ve ended up together either. The past is what led us to each other. ‘In My Life’ by The Beatles was our first dance song at our wedding so very poignant you mention it.

We have been together 18 months and live together as a family unit. He parents well and is a good partner.

One and a half year in and you've moved him in and he's actively parenting your daughters? That's a little fast, don't you think?

Instead of worrying about how your kids are affecting his lifestyle and freedom maybe you should worry about how your daughters feel being parented by a stranger who's been in their life for a hot minute...

18mo and your bf had moved in and parenting your children.
And you are regretting not being child-free and care-free with him.

So much is wrong with this picture.

Where to begin. But mostly I feel bad for your kids.

OP it's normal to feel a little sad about not meeting earlier and not having that history together. It actually shows that you care and found a right person.
When it can go wrong tho is when you start creating this scenario in your head that it means your relationship is somehow lacking compered to previous ones or that you won't mean as much to each other etc.

Seems like you've managed to create a happy blened family together. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your past and experiences.

Please try to focus on what you have and appreciate it because good relationships are hard to find.

I'm not regretting not being child free with him.

I'm not concerned about how his life is affected. The children come first, always have and always will.

The feelings are mine and about me.

I am slightly sad that due to our circumstances eg being parents, having responsible jobs, running a house all having happened before we met, we never got the carefree time in our early relationship as both of us have had in previous relationships.

Having said that, lots of relationships only survive in that phase and actually the cracks show when the responsibility appears. The flip side of our situation is that we always has greater priorities than "us" and being carefree and the commitment is tested and the love strengthened in those moments not in the fun, frivolous ones.