This might be a long one….
I’m going to have to leave a few bits out as too identifiable.
for many years my brother has been difficult to “manage” so to speak. I’m probably going to list them in chronological order to make it easier on my brain
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was married for several years. Met someone else about 10 years into that marriage and cheated on his lovely wife (who I would describe as submissive, kind and probably was controlled to a degree). He left her to live with his GF. It’s all the ex-wife’s fault he cheated according to him. It’s also my fault because I wasn’t there for him. I have witnessed him berate both women over the years and have had to intervene on occasion as he can be cruel.
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he’s cut me out of his life - every disaster, drama, life’s event that happens to him has been my fault or he perceives I’ve played a part in some way. He really doesn’t like it when I have something medically challenging in my life e.g when I was pregnant (high risk due to medical condition and pre-eclampsia, small baby etc) I was told not to travel by the consultants so I couldn’t attend an event. He cut me off because I’d let him down. I have a long term medical condition that has been life changing (may need transplant one day) but he tells people (and has said to my face) he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with me and it can’t be that bad.
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he’s asked our mother for money attaching conditions to it e.g. I’ll let you see the grandchildren if you give me 3k etc. she’s recently refused and he’s been very (what I would call) emotionally abusive to her. Says things like - you’ve never cared for me, you’ve shown any interest in me or my career, you don’t love me, you’re a shit mother etc, etc.
He is very amenable to the public, very funny, family man, easy to get on with but as soon as you say or do something he doesn’t like or upsets him he becomes awful to be around.
he twists and manipulates everything and uses it to create his own version of events. I have had no contact (this time) for 4 years ( thank god).
so as not to drip feed - our mother was an alcoholic (now in recovery 20+ years). I would describe her as neglectful towards us as we were growing up. She drank because she was lonely and depressed because she had two children to bring up alone. I have my own issues with her because of this (FOG, people pleaser etc). I have had a brief relationship with my father and can see similar traits to my brother - it’s always someone else’s fault, never takes responsibility etc. it’s my fault he wasn’t there when I was a child because I didn’t initiate contact etc, etc. I haven’t seen him for 20+ years and have only spoken to him once 5 years ago. His new wife (number 5!) was verbally abusive towards me ( I’ve never met her, never spoke to her, I’m not sure what he’s told her about me).
so there it is! Comments and questions welcome. I’ll answer what I can
thank you