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Original poster

OLD - when to say you have children?

18 replies

Noidea837262 · 28/10/2022 07:11

Hi, separated from my DH about 18 months ago now after a very long time together and I feel very lonely so thought I would dip my toes into OLD 🫣

When do you tell them that you have children? I read somewhere that you shouldn’t put it on your profile as it could attract a certain type of person so I left that off but now have matched with someone!

I haven’t replied to their first message to me, do I tell them straight away? Just drop it into conversation?

This OLD lark is hard enough, some of the men on there look like they’re using mugshots as their profile picture, I feel so out of my depth 😂

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 07:14

I am married but i think i would mention it fairly early on myself. For some people it will be a dealbreaker.

ItsHitTheFanNow · 28/10/2022 07:18

Just put it on your profile. It doesn't just attract a certain type of man.

Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 07:22

ItsHitTheFanNow · 28/10/2022 07:18

Just put it on your profile. It doesn't just attract a certain type of man.

I think OP might mean dodgy sorts?

RandomMusings7 · 28/10/2022 07:23

Casually drop it into the conversation during the first few days of chatting and definitely before the first date.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 28/10/2022 07:28

I'm in your position, only divorced now, separated for 5 years. I mention it early because otherwise you will get a lot of time wasters which can be tedious. I wouldn't consider introducing my kids to anyone for a long time, probably about a year, for various reasons and I think even then it would be a slow process. I met someone online and we dated for about 3 years but he only met the kids a hand full of times, latterly this was his choice and why it didn't work.

Polimolly · 28/10/2022 07:31

I tend to mention my son casually after talking for a day or so. Most men do as well, as you would do in normal conversation

gogohmm · 28/10/2022 07:34

I had it in my profile on the site I met dp, but I was on a respectable site, I dabbled with tinder but I want impressed, I would mention it within a few messages

inthemornin · 28/10/2022 07:36

Whenever I've online dated I've never put it on my profile, just dropped it in to conversation either the first day we start talking or the 4th day we start talking depending where the conversation takes us. It's fairly simple, for instance, 'what's your plans today?' 'Well it's wee ones birthday so having a party.' Or 'what's your weekend plans?' 'I'm child free this weekend so...blah blah blah'. 'Just got absolutely soaked on the school run' etc etc.

No need to make it a big announcement. I never did and it never, ever has been a problem for me ever. But I wouldn't post about it online no.

Aphidsandhoneybees · 28/10/2022 07:40

I would just mention it on my profile, I’m not sure that not putting on there would filter out the wrong type of man, and I wouldn’t want to waste the time of someone who did not want to date someone with children. But, if not on your profile then I would mention it as early as possible, at least before you meet up.

Original poster
Noidea837262 · 28/10/2022 07:48

Thanks all, OLD is such a minefield. I was with DH for over 20 years so have no idea what I’m doing!

He asked yesterday whether I’m having a good week so might just slip in there that I’m off with my DC and see if that scares him off. Will then consider putting it on my profile 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Noidea837262 · 28/10/2022 07:50

Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 07:22

I think OP might mean dodgy sorts?

Show quote history

This is what I meant. I read somewhere that some men would like to go after ‘vunerable’ single mums etc but what do I know, I haven’t been on a date for 22 years 🤣

OP posts:
Mydoggosarethebest · 28/10/2022 07:56

Don't put it on your profile!

Some peadophiles will seek out women with children with the intention of getting close to her kids. Absolutely sick but it happens

OverTheRubicon · 28/10/2022 08:02

Definitely don't put it on your profile, nor things that make it very likely (e.g. On the weekend I tend to hang out with my family). Too many dodgy guys after single mums, worst case for kids, but also plenty who see them as easy marks for cocklodgers.

Original poster
Noidea837262 · 28/10/2022 08:07

Good to know my gut instinct wasn’t far off, thanks 😊

OP posts:
TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 28/10/2022 09:11

@gogohmm what site did you use?

defi · 28/10/2022 09:11

I never put it in my profile but always tell them before the first date

anthurium · 28/10/2022 09:38

I also agree with others to NOT put the fact you have children on your profile - there's no need! So many things can be considered as "time wasting" it's impossible to know what that is to everyone since it will vary! Plus the safety aspect of this particular situation so you need to be careful with that type of information.

Original poster
Noidea837262 · 28/10/2022 17:18

Thanks guys, I dropped into conversation that I was off with my children and it didn’t seem to bother him.

I’m holding my cards very close to my chest with this OLD malarkey. Just using it as a way of finding out how to talk to people again 🤣

OP posts:
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