Should I just let it go now

[Ithurtbad]

I have been quite confused about my Dp and I. I have had issues with trusting him and a few days ago was thinking we just going to end. We are expecting a baby but I only feel we closer because of the baby. I don't know if we last at all.

It's my birthday today and this morning he wished me Happy Birthday and he taken me out to eat with my teen. We had a great time came home and he surprised me by buying a cake for me.

Like I said had issues with trusting him but things do have to turned a corner when I really had no hope for us.

I am going to hold on until baby born but it's just a crazy situation I am in.

I don't want to have the chat with him saying how unhappy I have been wondering about us. He must know that something been wrong as I been waking up in tears. He hugs me asks what's wrong but can't tell him.

We are getting on now well we always do but like I said this probably since I got pregnant. I thought we would never have a baby as I had troubles conceiving. I had to ask myself would I regret not having anymore children so went ahead with an op.

I did a post about him working away and since I told him not happy about this. He said about something else. Because I never thought we was in a good place.

Not sure if I am overthinking and just put this behind me stuff he done. We have been getting on but that's me just not wanting to rock the boat.

What is it you don’t trust your DP about?

I don’t think anyone is going to be able to make meaningful comments because you have not explained what the issue / history is.

What?

@Cantthinkofanewnameatm

I found out he been chatting on other females online. He claims one female a friend but they had liked each other once and I know they still talk. In fact I still have to see this woman when we go to certain events. It's awkward and Sunday gone we were at an event she saw me and hug me. When we are at these events they pretend they don't talk. I know they do on what's app. I never went the Saturday as they were preparing for an event. But by photos he showed she was there. So I thought you both have had a talk. It may all be innocent and they are friends because she also marrieds.

Then there is I have checked his phone and see him on a site chatting to other females this was awhile ago before getting pregnant. I don't go in his phone now just I get suspicious. Usually when I am I am correct. I know something happened maybe not physically but most definitely he talked to other women.

I think that's the main part for me being insecure. I should feel better being pregnant but no I don't. It what's keeping us together.

Become of him having this female friend I have a male friend but yes I got a bit stupid depending on this person so I just distanced myself. That's a whole complicated thing too.

He was amazing yesterday can't fault him in how he looks after me and my teen. He is great but always feel like he wants someone else.

Actually it was only the female friend that put me on edge. Normally I deal with that okay we don't see her much obviously they talk on what's app.

What got me was him saying he wants a job where he works away which would be fine if I trusted him with other women online. I actually thought it be temporarily and because I said if this the job you want then you move out. Eventually we would split up drift apart. Communication always been an issue with us too. He probably just checks in I won't contact him. Because I use to all the time if he away but it's like I am disturbing him so leave it up to him. I totally backed off of how I use to be. I probably was always messaging him while probably he didn't care.
Even if he goes out I use to call him all the time but not as much now. Someone told me leave him be so I do. But don't want to overlook things to keep the peace..

Sometimes he acts like he single but it's like me me me. When he talks about future don't feel included. Don't get me wrong all for him having goals etc. As I want to support that but if your acting like your single but just living with someone.

I am just wondering if I should let past stuff go for now? Leave this female friend issue that he knows makes me uncomfortable and put aside?
Have a conversation?

It's not like it's the past stuff because I suspect ignore carry on. I have caught him out and can't take not more. He knew the last time I had enough.

it wasn't only the female friend putting me on edge again

Can't imagine all this worrying and stress hormones is healthy for your baby.
But its your body. Your baby. Your choice

Maybe slightly over reacting to everything tbh. I can't say nothing now things seems to be good he here. I shouldn't complain at here and now.

Just certain things keep playing on my mind. I just ignore the phone stuff too his business. He physically here rarely goes anywhere and if he does I know where he is just sometimes he quiet.

I wonder what he thinking and sometimes I asked if he okay. He does have stress on his side but probably doesn't want to stress me out.

Maybe I leave it for now see how things go. Concentrate on our baby and my teenager. I can't do much now.

I should feel better being pregnant

What do you mean? Why 'should' you feel something you don't feel?

You don't trust him..what is unclear fron your post is whether you have reason not to trust him. Just having female friends doesn't mean he's cheating..You're coming across as very possessive. Have you had any marriage guidance counselling?

@Watchkeys

My insecurities had started from when we first got together and kind of knowing something was wrong with my fertility. Later found why and had op.

For me one minute things are great like now then something he does makes me suspicious it's like what's going on now with him.

I just wait maybe until I have the baby see what happens.

For me one minute things are great like now then something he does makes me suspicious it's like what's going on now with him

Then this relationship doesn't feel stable. You don't trust him. It's changeable. That's not healthy.

I have very good reason not to trust him. It's just every female friend he has but just 1 or 2 because think I seen flirty messages in past.

There is something else which I won't go into which makes me feel sometimes I have been used.

It's strange because each time I feel oh he will leave sometimes he shocks me so sometimes think I am wrong.

I just wait now and see.

Just not sure I should say something now. Things are weird though now.

Not every female just 1 and another one seen flirty messages with. I try now to forget the phone stuff

I have very good reason not to trust him

So why do you wonder if you're overthinking when you feel a lack of trust in him?

It's all a bit weird at the moment said to him today still can't believe we looked at baby stuff.

It all comes from one minute I am thinking we couldn't have a baby he would leave why he talks to other women. Saying that didn't only get pregnant for him I wasn't that young it was now or never. I had to chose if I wanted another and thought okay if I can be happy too

With the lack of trust it was something else too. That could cause anyone with a person in his position to wonder if they being used so trust would always be reason.

I thought about having a chat with him but think just leave it for now. He seems to be okay really focused on us. After next week maybe I know how we stand is quite scary. I know many of you won't understand this part. Not willing to discuss it here.

If I felt scared of losing him it was one reason then fertility issues.

Think I answered my own question. Best to wait until something sorted which more important now. The rest can be spoken of later and need be careful how I approach when really things are okay. Whatever does happen have been expecting from a very long time. Suppose got to be strong.

Please don't proceed with trying for a baby in this situation. You need stability, happiness, trust, communication & a good solid strong relationship to get through the challenges that being a parent will throw at you. You need to take responsibility to bring a child into the right environment. It sounds like it's right time for you but the wrong person. Fixing this will solve you a lot of heartache down the line. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I learnt the hard way & ended up a single parent

I’m not surprised you don’t feel secure in this relationship - he is giving me serial cheat & attention seeker vibes.

Widen your support network of friends and family and get back to work as soon as possible after the baby is born. You need to make sure you are prepared for the worst. If you should choose to leave you will have the right conditions to allow you to do so.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

Best to wait until something sorted which more important now

What are you waiting for to happen? You don't trust him. The damage is done, surely? You can't have a baby with someone you don't trust, can you?

Baby on way so too late which now I am really happy about but yes won't change the situation which needs a miracle.
I accepted what the outcome maybe.

It's more about what his intentions were getting with using me to help him sort something out. So yes I have a right not to trust him if I feel used and only time will tell after if stays or goes. I am not sure if baby will change things he might still want to leave. Or maybe this week decision taken out my hands I can't control that.
I do have the upper hand here. Just after next week we see what happens. Will update maybe can go in more details.

Also I kind of used him for the op because sometimes it's only if your in a relationship they do something. For me lucky I was able to get pregnant but didn't think it happen quickly.
Even if I didn't just glad I would have option with someone else now.

I have my own place and won't put him on tenancy he knows that. We planned to get married but can't but had ceremonies but to people we are. My mind thinking I might not legally marry him.
Without the trust it's case of what his next move is when he stable. He made a choice to work away so my choices are made up told him yesterday I might go back to work now after baby put baby in childcare. His future plans don't see like he thinking of us.

Right now despite past what led to be insecure do I put aside now? Plan my moves too.

This week determines everything for us. He might not be around anyway. Yesterday we had a conversation he worried about something but let him know this not my priority I did all I could last time for him can't do no more.
I shouldn't have that stress but need to think about before the day we go to a meeting.
I am just thinking of my baby and teen tbh. I am prepared be single mum but life keeps surprising me too.

This sounds like a hideously messy relationship.

You said “I know something happened maybe not physically but most definitely he talked to other women”, but then added “It may all be innocent and they are friends because she also marrieds”…so you’re not certain that he’s doing anything, it’s just a suspicion?
However: “Become of him having this female friend I have a male friend but yes I got a bit stupid depending on this person so I just distanced myself. That's a whole complicated thing too”. So you don’t trust him, you’re posting here about being worried he might be chatting to other women…while chatting to someone behind his back, where it sounds like you feel things went too far and now you’re dealing with something ‘complicated’ with another man outside of your relationship? You’ve been doing the exact thing you suspect him of!

Im not sure if I missed where you explained what he’s actually done to make you distrust him. Is it possible you might be projecting? You know that you’ve been talking to men behind his back, that could lead to you thinking he’s doing the same thing to you?

Also, you said “It's more about what his intentions were getting with using me to help him sort something out. So yes I have a right not to trust him if I feel used” followed immediately by “Also I kind of used him for the op because sometimes it's only if your in a relationship they do something”. You haven’t been clear on how he used you, but you admit to knowing you used him?

He does sound like someone who isn’t necessarily trustworthy, but you’re also engaging in behaviours that would lead to a lack of trust in a relationship. It all sounds exhausting.
It’s your choice if you want this relationship to continue, you don’t need to wait for him to make a call on it!
What do you feel would be best for you? If you choose to continue with this some relationship counselling might not be a bad idea?