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Original poster

Ex/FWB but no sex?

12 replies

Flovegas · 27/10/2022 16:57

In my 30’s as is ex. No contact since we were about 18 & 20.

Revently matched on a dating site and he contacted me on FB straight away and we have been talking every day since.

He said he is recently divorced (April 2022) so wasn’t looking for anything serious and I agreed with this (also out of a LTR).

We met up had a coffee, chatted for about 3 hours and had a kiss (he initiated) at the end.

We text all day everyday. He phones me etc mostly general chat, sexting. But when I have asked to meet up again he says he really wants to see me but is sooo busy with work, having his kids etc.

What is this? I mean it’s not FWB if there’s no sex, but also would you call and text everyday someone that you were genuinely not interested in?

Not sure whether to waste more time on this or see where it goes?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/10/2022 17:05

I think you're his rebound girl, but not even getting meet-ups out of it.

He's looking for a relationship as a painkiller for his break up with his wife. You are super handy because he already knows you, so he doesn't have to put any effort into trawling through OLD, plus you appear to be happy to provide emotional and sexual supply without demanding anything in return.

If you had a serious relationship with feelings (i.e. not just a few dates) in your teens then I'd steer well clear TBH.

If he went more or less from you as a teen to his wife - I'd run for the fucking hills.

5yearplan · 27/10/2022 17:06

I’d put it on hold until he was free. Have no expectations because it sounds like he will mess you around.

Original poster
Flovegas · 27/10/2022 17:13

It was a typical teenage relationship really, big group of friends etc we did sleep together and spent a lot of time socialising but neither of us can remember exactly how it ended so to speak.

No definitely not, he was only married 2 years together with his ex for 5.

yeah I’m thinking it might all be a bit too much, but it’s mostly from him. Texting, morning, evening, calling. I havnt called him once (partly because so far there hasn’t been a need 😂)

Its a weird one for sure! Never ever thought he would be back tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Flovegas · 27/10/2022 17:13

5yearplan · 27/10/2022 17:06

I’d put it on hold until he was free. Have no expectations because it sounds like he will mess you around.

Yeah this is what I was thinking tbh.

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 27/10/2022 17:17

This is really common for OLD - you’re just filling in the time for him and boosting his ego.
I bet it feels good right? And the sexting will fulfil the ego boost that needs to know someone wants you.
BUT if he was seriously interested, even for casual dating, he would of made that clear - but he’s not.
you’re just filling his time until someone comes along that he decides is worth making the effort for.
it sucks.

Original poster
Flovegas · 27/10/2022 17:21

Newusernameaug · 27/10/2022 17:17

This is really common for OLD - you’re just filling in the time for him and boosting his ego.
I bet it feels good right? And the sexting will fulfil the ego boost that needs to know someone wants you.
BUT if he was seriously interested, even for casual dating, he would of made that clear - but he’s not.
you’re just filling his time until someone comes along that he decides is worth making the effort for.
it sucks.

Crikey, this is brutal but likely true and why I asked on here.

we are both new to OLD (we embarrassing both had the banners on our profiles 😂) so yeah this makes sense.

He has been very complimentary about me etc which has been lovely to hear and it’s been great catching up over the phone etc but it’s not going anywhere is it?

OP posts:
ThisWormHasTurned · 27/10/2022 17:26

My experience with OLD has been that the guys who want to sext don’t want to meet in real life. Not sure if they were still in relationships (hope not!) but yeah, if they were pushing for photos/sexting they don’t want to meet. I suspect he gets a thrill from the messaging with you.

Original poster
Flovegas · 27/10/2022 17:43

It’s not all sexting but definitely some of it is…

god why is it so hard to navigate all of this 😂

never wanted mind reading powers more than trying to manage OLD!

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2022 17:51

Surely that is Friends Without Benefits?

Original poster
Flovegas · 27/10/2022 18:22

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2022 17:51

Surely that is Friends Without Benefits?

Yup, can’t even get a shag out the lad…not great 😂😂

OP posts:
ViolinPin · 28/10/2022 01:25

Maybe he just wants that, to be platonic friends.

Ask him.

Musti · 28/10/2022 01:35

As long as you’re enjoying it, what’s the problem? I think he likes you more than a fwb but it is early days and doesn’t want to mess you around.

Enjoy chatting but carry on dating other people..

Stop the sexting unless you want that too and keep the friendship. It sounds like you get on.

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