Irritated by friend post-kids

[Chalkandcheeze]

I had my children a few years before my friend and had a good friendship with her throughout those years, despite my life being much different than her carefree, just married lifestyle.

However, since she had kids herself I'm really struggling. I know we all love our children but you would think she'd given birth to 2 baby Jesus'. I get sometimes up to 50 photos of them following their glossy, professional photoshoots which they have 4 times a year.

She thinks they are models. And of course we all think our children are beautiful, although at times, I do think mine have funny shaped noses, but she really believes her children are the most beautiful people on the planet and genuinely appears ignorant of the fact that other people think their kids are beautiful too.

She talks of her 3 year old's "model looks" etc and he is lovely, but I don't think she realises that other people often feel the same about their own children. The behaviour of her children is quite testing as she has no discipline and everything is always another child's fault. She can see exactly when another child is misbehaving but is apparently blind to the spoilt tantrums of her 3 year old who is also very peevish towards other kids. She will tell me stories about other kids "winding up" her kid who is actually just very spoilt and isn't used to not getting their way.

I actually witnessed her kid steal a kid's toy from them in a playground and they wouldn't had it back. She got her kid to hand it back by saying that she would buy them the same toy on the way home. And she did. I thought it was crappy parenting and was quite surprised at her.

I'm at a point where I won't meet her when we have the children with us because it's just challenging. But, the trouble really is, I feel disappointed with her as a person and a parent, I feel a lot of eye rolling coming on in her company. It's like having kids has erased all her self awareness. Does she not realise we all love our kids as much as she loves hers and that ALL kids regardless of how lovely they are, require some boundaries?!

I'd be distancing myself from her personally. I think she'll get a fright when her child goes to school.

Glad it's not just me. My friend went the same way when her PFB arrived. It drives me absolutely up the wall. Like the other day when I found something for sale on FB for DS for Christmas. Friend saw it and was astounded that I hadn't bought it for PFB who would absolutely love it. Yes I'm sure he would, but so will my son. She seemed to genuinely not be able to comprehend how my first thought hadn't been her PFB.

She even tried to get the same 'extras' as DS gets at school and when the head said these 'extras' were because DS has special needs, friend replied that PFB was special too. She told me because she was outraged that the head didn't buy it.

Jeeez @Fladdermus ! How do you manage to continue being friends with her? That's insane.

My friend will think that I'm happy to be playing with her kid as opposed to my own on days out together... her eldest is so needy but she's often preoccupied with the youngest so when he runs off it's me chasing him back again whilst my own kids stand around waiting for me to push them on the swings. Friend seems to think this is ok and smiles at me as if I must be enjoying every moment of her son. It isn't ok and I am not enjoying any of it. I don't understand what planet they're on... to top it all, she's a primary school teacher 🤦‍♀️.

I have another friend who is similar but in a different way and tells me how she doesn't put her kid to bed until late as she just wants to spend as much time with them as possible. She will reel off all of her kids achievements too like she's Einstein. I've never heard her once say anything negative even in jest about her. She's perfect in every way.
It's just delusional. I don't get it.

I just roll my eyes and remind myself that it'll pass. When it's really bad I tell her straight to give over. We've been friends for a long, long time.

I had a friend like this, unfortunately in the end I had to distance myself. She really felt that her children were more important than others and expected them to be treated so. She once told me that the class teacher was so upset when she realised it wasn’t friend’s child who had been injured in the playground, she genuinely seemed to believe that others also felt that her children were more important, somehow better.

She alienated everyone eventually. She would openly tell people that she only cared about the well-being of her children, it was odd. They are now very anxious children who seem unable to make a decision for themselves.

This won’t change. It will get steadily worse and you will waste your time and energy.

I was in a similar situation and only just distanced myself after 8 years. My best friend’s PFB is the head of the household. Lockdown was her excuse to basically shut the world out and throw away the key.

Her second is in the process of being diagnosed with autism and she expressed happiness and relief that he may never leave home and live independently. I just can’t fucking sit there anymore while she gazes in
adoration at them screaming and destroying things.

Then there’s the 3/4 hour bedtime ordeal after which they just come back downstairs anyway.

You’re being harsh. I don’t mind people thinking their kids are wonderful and if they like to share it, so what?

Some people do need to be a bit more self aware but it isn’t a crime.

How she parents is down to her.

I get why you’re irritated by receiving 50 photos don’t get me wrong, but ultimately her parenting style is down to her. Nobody is forcing you to be friends.

it does feel shocking as they no longer feel like the friend you once had, like a huge personality change. I was so surprised by a relative who is completely ruled by her DC but actively enjoys it, it’s almost like you lose a bit of respect for them.