Lonely, anxious, trapped

[Bythesea22]

I didn’t really know which section to put this post in. A bit of background - single mum to Ds (17), no family apart from a sister who hardly communicates with me, no close friends and none locally. Plus a job with a dreadful boss and colleagues I have nothing in common with.
So I feel totally alone and my work is quite overwhelming at times but can’t take the risk of leaving as I can’t manage without working. Even on days off I worry about work and almost feel it’s more stressful wondering what happening while I’m away.
I also have ocd and due to start counselling soon.
Just reaching out on here as I’m feel so horribly alone.

Bump.

Hi OP. Sorry you are going through a bad time. I think the counselling will help but if you are struggling before then you can always ring the Samaritans and talk things through. I'm in a similar position myself.

I think you need to try and make a plan for yourself. Easier said than done I know.

You could look into finding a new job. If you want to get out and meet people you could have a look at the Meetup site and see if there is an activity you might want to join.

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety as well. Is there something you could do that would help with this? I find keeping a journal, taking it one day at a time and going for walks helps.

You don't say how bad the OCD is but at least you are able to work.

Hope things get better for you

@dater123 thank you so much for your reply and I’m so sorry you’re in a similar situation too.
I’ve tried Meetup but it doesn’t work for me unfortunately. I can’t risk changing job as at least I have relative job security in my current t job and I can’t risk being without one. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears all the time.

I would ring a mental health line or the Samaritans to get you through until you start counselling.

Hopefully some other posters will be along soon to offer more advice.

Bump

Hey OP. How long have you been living in the area? What are / were your interests before life became overwhelming.

You can talk to us, we're here x

Have you found anything online that is soothing and helpful? For example, podcasts about OCD? Not as a replacement for therapy, but just helpful info to make you feel less alone?

What sort of job do you? Do you think it might be worth taking a month off with sick leave before you really crash and burn? You can use the time to feel better and job hunt.

Hi the counselling will definitely help. Do you know what kind of job you would like to do? Could you retrain or attend college? Maybe plan little steps to how you would like your life to be? In the meantime think what little things make you happy, music, walks etc x

@Bestofthree thanks for your reply. I’ve lived in the area for neatly 30 years. Used to go to the gym, see friends etc but no friends left

@Bestofthree i actually quite like my job, it’s my boss and a few colleagues who make things difficult. If I took time off sick like for how I’m feeling, I might as well just leave. It works go down very badly and things would be even worse if I came back

Morning @Bythesea22

It's Friday today so if you work a 9 to 5 you should a weekend to yourself now. Do you have any plans?

Are you still going to the gym?

A horrible sounds awful. I really would recommend finding a new job if you can as it's not really going to be possible to change them. Unless you can find a way to work without them geting to you. I ended up working with a few people (strange horrible bitchy environement) a year ago and it was so stressful :( I hope things sort themselves out for you. It's hard though when your not feeling your best to apply for job or think about what to do. Can you think of any trusted colleagues or perhaps HR who could advise? It's really not fair that people are allowed to get away with bullying and bad behaviour with no one to address it.

I am sorry you feel alone. I have limited family too. It's difficult when I see people planning family get togethers and Christmas plans and it's just me and my kids. I have got a couple of friends but to be honest I am quite focused on my own stuff these days and a bit antisocial. Why dont you join some groups on MeetUp or on Facebook localy. Lots of volunterring, walking, crafting opportunities. Just think of it as a stepping stone till you find your people and to keep you going. Nothing to lose is there?

Can you tell us what you think could help you? Or what you would like to see to change?

As you can see I am wishing you the best but I am just rambling and hoping things look up for you :) Tell munsnetters what you need and we will listen and help more x

So sorry you are feeling so sad.
Could you join an exercise class. A friend of mine (who has been going through similar) joined a Ballet be Fit class (no previous experience) and it really has done wonders for her. An hour out listening to lovely music and only concentrating on what she is doing. She has met some lovely friends through it too.

Thanks everyone. I’ve tried Meetup groups numerous times but they don’t work for me for various reasons unfortunately.
I could try an exercise class but in my previous experience no over every really chats to people they don’t already know. Im just so sad that the few friends and family I do have don’t seem interested anymore but I know I can’t force people to see me.
I’ve tried dating but although I meet people it rarely goes beyond a few dates.
It doesn’t help that I do need my own space too and tend to feel overwhelmed if I have too much social contact so I’m my own worst enemy really.

I think being unhappy at work because of your boss etc is huge and will have an awful effect on your mh. I was very unhappy at a previous workplace for similar reasons and getting out of there has been so good for me. One of the worse things about it was it knocking my confidence in my own competence and so felt like another employer would never want me.

I know it's very scary to think about changing jobs and losing that security, but it could be exactly what you need.

And once you've found another job successfully, you realise you could get another if needs be. It's frightening, but it's doable.

At least start looking, do some applying, (you don't have to take a job if it's offered, but it's good to feel you have choices).

@category12 thank you for your reply and I appreciate your time. Unfortunately risking my job security isn’t something I can do at the moment.

Could you look at working in another part of the business, transferring to a different department and line manager? Secondment elsewhere?

@category12 sadly not , it’s a very small company!

sorry you’re feeling like this - but i’d try another exercise class i started a new one and its quite small and people are chatty if you start it first. Or how about some volunteeering at wknds?

How long do you anticipate not being able to risk job security? Is there an end date you can envision, where you might feel able to make a jump?

Honestly I'd look for other jobs anyway, because it'll give you choices (and a headstart if the job becomes completely intolerable or if they start to manage you out).

You've got to remember, its security won't be much good yo you if you end up having a breakdown because of it.

I’m leaving my husband soon and will be moving to a new area. Apart from one child I won’t have any friends or family near by.

I am going to volunteer for fostering cats, and am hoping this will be a way of meeting like minded people.

Is there any volunteering, groups like this where you could meet people? Would that help you cope with the job in the meantime?

OP, give yourself a break.

Stop thinking you need people, 'friends' etc - once you give up that thought, life becomes a lot easier.
Stop thinking you must do something to find people you can relate to. Don't put yourself to that pain and expense. My life got a lot better when I stopped forcing myself to do that.
Stop thinking your work has to be tolerable - a lot of work isn't. Work that you do for money to live is normal. Work that you find endless joy in, that's rare.

Accept things as they are for now. You are miserable and from what you've said, that's a reasonable response to your circumstances.

Start to define what counts of happiness for you. I went for 'a roof over my head, not much physical pain'. It's a low threshold, but there are advantages to that.
Start noticing every time you are in that position. Every moment.
'Bank' every moment of happiness/contentment/not-quite-unbearable suffering😉.
Before long, you will realise that you have a lot of those quiet, peaceful, contented moments.

It sounds like shite, I know! But, it works. Use the mindfulness bell, too. It's a bowl, really, I think.

Work on yourself and your perceptions for a while, and the other things will follow.

Counts as happiness. And I did preview...

How about seeing if you could get some evening work one or two days per week a bar or restaurant to be sociable again?

I do think the situation at work is the main problem as we spend so much of our waking hours at work.

@RandomMess thsnka for the suggestion. I’ll consider this for the future but don’t want anything that could cause extra stress atm.

Maybe have a read back of your replies and think about what they have in common?

It's all "can't do this/that doesn't work". Now it may very well be true that none of our suggestions would work for you, but it strikes me that you're emotionally stuck, feeling nothing can help.

You're understandably in a bad place with your mh, and not really able to see the woods for the trees.

Are you seeing your gp and trying any medication for the depression and anxiety? (I see you're awaiting counselling.) If not, might be worth doing or checking if your dosage is right.