Granddaughter and ex's wife

[Sand9]

My ex's wife (who he had an affair with when my daughter was very small) saw my newborn Granddaughter first! any comments on how to not get so upset about it all - it's bringing up a lot of memories

Just stop! It's not about you! Move on and try to enjoy your grandchild.

So? While I would not see my step grandchild before his biological grandmother if at all possible, if it was that my husband and children were it would seem odd not to go with them so as not to be 'first'.
You can not go through life keeping score like this - you'll drive yourself crazy!

Remember it wasn’t about you. They didn’t do it on purpose.

they just went with what occurred naturally

Presumably because she was there with her husband, the babies grandfather? Honestly, you cannot make this a hill to die on. Just enjoy the time you do spend with GC

Let it go. This will bring misery and resentment to nobody but you

Why does it have to be you first?

As said above. Stop. Don’t start drama. Don’t bd jealous. It is not a good look. You only make yourself look bad. Smile and be the best grandma you can, without being controlling in any way. Be helpful but not demanding. Be supportive but not overbearing.

how to act going forward will determine the future. Don’t cause yourself problems where none needs to be

You are being ridiculous. They will show the baby to the one that is most convenient at the time. It isn't about you

You ask how not to get upset about it.

Response: you act like an adult not a child.

This is suppose to be a nice moment with a new grandchild being born please don't spoil it. You need to let it go this lady will be around maybe at birthdays, christening etc she might even be called nana. It's down to your own child how they wish to go about things.

Oh OP, I feel you. My mum would be upset by this, too (my step-mum also being the OW dad left for).

I'd suspect it's out of your daughter's control and felt she couldn't say no to her dad visiting, and maybe it didn't cross her mind on how hurtful it might be. As I'm thinking back now, I remember my partner's aunt turning up at the hospital to see DS before my dad had without any warning. I wasn't bothered in the slightest - I was exhausted and it was good to pass DS to somebody, as DP had gone to the shops to get my some more underwear and baby more milk - but in hindsight, I suppose my dad could have felt put out that an extended family member met DS before he did.

It won't be anything personal and just one of those moments that hadn't been planned out. Nobody will replace your role in your granddaughter's life

Well she might have seen the baby first but that is a tiny and in real terms insignificant part of the relationship you will develop with the child over many years.

Your granddaughter won't have any awareness of who saw her first 😊

Yes, this! What's important now is your future relationship so try not to dwell on it.

Your feelings are totally valid though, so ignore some of the bitchy and unnecessary comments from other PP's who clearly haven't dealt with those emotions you are feeling.

I feel for you, but don't dwell on it. You are the main grandparent she will go to for advice and all sorts. Create a lovely relationship with her, and congratulations 💖👶

Be grateful that your grandchild has more people to love and look out for them, rather than being angry about things that happened decades ago.

I can see why your annoyed but don't let it ruin your new Grandchild. Especially do not say anything to your DC.

People need to chill! It is just a moment OP, it will pass.

There are some situations where you think you are over it and then comes a blasted triggering event and you are like WTAF! Don’t panic, you are not back to square one. Acknowledge the feelings and let them sit with you for a bit, the second you panic, you open the door to an anxiousness that could assume a life of its own.

Good luck