so apparently I am a terrible mother and my mum is seriously worried about ds because...

[ArmadilloDaMan]

He still wears nappies and also has a bottle at bedtime (ok the last one isn't great I know). He's 3.3 and has had a lot of problems with terrible constipation (we haven't been able to toilet train him up till now cos he was on laxatives for 6 months that we are still trying to wean him off).

THis has hit me hard. Not having a good time at the moment. My mum, although rubs me up the wrong way sometimes and nags etc, she always helps me out and is very supportive and worries about me etc. I really can't do without her help especially at the mo.

SO why did she have to tell me this? That I am storing up grave problems for the future, that he will be bullied forever as a result yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.

DOn't get me wrong, we don't always agree on parenting, but I don't consider these things to be a problem (Well not the toilet training anyway) and she thinks they are so terrible.

This is really too much atm. I know I'm not a great parent, but it hurts to think that I am being this awful to ds without realising and makes me wonder what other stuff I am doing to damage him.

OrmIrian, lol - your mother obviously went to the same potty training school as mine! My dad even built me a little commode for those long hours when I sat waiting for something to happen. Result? I was constipated regularly until I was 10 !! - and I developed a major book reading on the loo habit !! DD hated potties and refused to use them - so I just got her straight onto the toilet with a soft infill seat. Still took her years though...

I agree that older generations were keen on getting us out of nappies because they had to wash the wretched things and deal with nappy rash etc. So I hope you can persuade your mother that it's really not a big deal, Armadillo.

My little brother had a bottle at bedtime until he was 7! He's a now a perfectly healthy maths + philosohpy student. Ignore your mum.

If it's any help, my Ds was in nappies til about 3.5, with no medical problems to contend with, but once he got the hang if it, he picked it up very very quickly and was dry, day and night, within a couple of weeks. that seems to be his way, slow to milestones then galloping straight through them,or it might have been cause i left it a bit and he was really ready. dunno, but you might find your DS may be the same. even if he's not, there's plenty of stories on here to show you it's no big deal and he'll do it in his own time

Hi Armadillo,

Just been through the same situation with my stepson (who's now 4.5). We were told by the doctors not to toilet train him till he was 4 years but we started at 3.5 years as his mother was warned by a specialist that it would get a lot harder as he got older. It's taken a whole year but he's now been 3 weeks without pooing in his pants.

We tried everything including bribery to get him to use the toilet but it wasn't easy because he goes 3 or 4 times every day and didn't seem to know when he needed to. It's hard to get a kid to interrupt playing that many times a day to see if he needs to go.

Apparently it takes a while for the nerves in the bowel to start working if laxatives have been used so we did it in stages. First we worked on getting him to use the toilet (using pullups). Then using a reward system we got him to wear pants instead of pullups. Gradually he stopped having accidents in his pants because his bowel muscels strengthened and he learnt his body's signals for when he needs to go.

Thanks for these

musicgirl Thanks for that info - we're still weaning ds off his laxatives, and were warned at the start not to potty train while he was on them. I didn't ask at his last paed appt though. Def worth knowing.
Ta

Armadillo, my ds was not trained until 3.9 for exactly the same reason as yours. We were trying to wean him off laxatives for his constipation for years. We thought he'd be going to school in a nappy at one point.

We ended up being referred to the constipation clinic at the local hospital (which was full of 3 year old boys!!. They helped us work through the toilet training, whic involved putting him on the loo at the same time every night, straight after his tea. It worked. Got to go but will return to the thread later.

The poster who mentioned that in your mother's day there was a race to potty train is right. Don't forget they didn't have disposables - and many people didn't have washing machines either!

My ds wasn't potty trained until 3.5 and he didn't have any of the difficulties your poor ds is dealing with.

I have 6 children. Four of them suffered bowel problems. My mum always said 'you don't see many school children in nappies'. They will do it themselves. Please, please, don't worry. Every one of them potty trains when they are ready. Don't sweat the small stuff