Nearly 40 - where are all my friends?

[bootswiththefur]

Is anyone else like me? I turn 40 in a few month's time and I genuinely feel like I've got no real friends anymore. Two of my closest friends moved to a different country with their families (don't blame them!) and others have just drifted away or lost contact. I feel like if I was to have a party (which I won't), I genuinely don't know who would come.

I have two daughters (6 and 9) and put my whole heart into raising a family, but feel I've sacrificed myself as a result. I work two jobs and other than trips to pumpkin patches and parks, I rarely go out unless it's with the kids. Since covid I feel like I'm now completely socially awkward. Having few friends means when I do go out I feel really self conscious and worry that people don't even want me there.

I just don't know how to fix it? How do you make new friends at 40? Is it normal to have hardly any close friends? I feel like im a nice person- I have a good sense of humour and am caring and supportive of others. What am I doing wrong? :(

Yes has be 2 way effort I find people lazy just dont want hassle of it/of arranging.
But agree a group activity is good.

No mum friends? I met mine at playgroup / school and the friendships have endured now we all parenting teens who are pretty much no longer friends but we still are.

I could’ve written this OP. I’m 41 and the restrictions over 2 years have seen local and more distant friends seemingly melt away. Where effort used to be equal, it now would only be from my side, so I’ve stopped. I do feel sad about it sometimes, when I’m not busy running around after 11 and 7 yr olds. At this stage, I do have a lot more time to give to friends than when the kids were tiny, it is such a shame.

Yes MsT have few mum friends actually one he still in my daughter class. But some mams its a polite hello how are u thats it! As another post says u dont want to be chasing people

I was lonely living in a biggish city for 15 years. Then, aged 34, I moved to a little market town for a fresh start.
DH and I didn't know a soul and thought "this is our chance to get it right" so we absolutely threw ourselves (separately and together) into making friends. It worked and we developed a thriving (at times overwhelming) social life. For 2-3 years I ran from coffee with one friend, to a walk with another, to dinner with another, to a crafting class, to a book club, to running club etc etc. It was brilliant. I thought "I've finally done it, I'm making friends!"
Then there were a few bumps in the road in my life and I briefly took my foot off of the pedal (just for a few months). I realised that I was driving every aspect of my social life. It dried up overnight. I was making everything happen, offering lifts, buying one round too many, offering a listening ear. Without me doing it, it turns out that no other useless fucker was going to.
Add in to that how DIFFICULT it suddenly seems to make plans with people, and how FLAKEY everyone is, and I've decided I'm done.
I'm happy pottering around at home with DH, spending time with my dog, crafting, cooking, doing DIY, going for a hike or a run. I also like my job and enjoy working hard.
This jumped out at me OP: "I have two daughters (6 and 9) and put my whole heart into raising a family, but feel I've sacrificed myself as a result." Could it be that friends of yours like me got sick of you being unavailable and can't be arsed with you anymore?

@SmokedHaddockChowder quite possibly yes.

I think if u want to see friends you will. Smokedhaddock feel for you I did all the chasing) got tired of that