Anyone here who had to learn to be single and accept the fact they’ll never be in a relationship?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

How did you do it?

I tried to find threads about this, but they were all about living to be single.
How do I get to that mindset?

@anthurium You're a wonderful example. Congratulations on your little boy!

I've been married, divorced and now long term single.

I assume after I left my unhappy marriage that I would just fall into another long term relationship, but it wasn't meant to be and now I have had several years of being single I am beginning to come round to the idea that I am probably going to be single for life.

As I am attractive-ish, healthy, financially secure, interesting career, no mental health issues, nice but not enmeshed family & friends I really am looking for similar, and there just aren't many straight single guys out there who fit the bill.
I've given up too many years being a prop to an average man, and now I'm hitting my stride I just don't want another guy to sap all my time and energy and even money and for me not to get much in return.

I love being in love, don't get me wrong, and I hope I'll be open to that happening again for me, but all my relationships have ended up boring and full of resentment. Maybe it's me, maybe it was them, it doesn't matter, it's tedious and the highs weren't worth the lows overall.

I am single and it is unlikely that this will ever change now as I am in my early 50s.

I tried everything in the last decade I could think of: online dating, going out more often, trying out new hobbies, travelling and I have also had different jobs which could have given me new opportunities to meet people, but I just never met anyone/

Online dating especially made me extremely unhappy and self-conscious. I struggled with having to deal with so many time wasters, sex pests, casual sex seekers and after a while I started to even feel unsafe and I got fed up with feeling that all that matter was the way I look and that most of the men I was meeting were only interested in how quickly they could get me to have sex with them.

I gave a man that I had known as a friend (or so I thought) for about 5 years a chance only for him to turn abusive almost as soon as we started dating. I then found out he had been abusive towards other girlfriends. That was the last straw for me.

I think at this stage I have to accept that this is it. I am not making any proactive attempts to meet anyone anymore and I will never touch online dating again. Also a lot of my trust has been destroyed because of how my ''friend'' behaved.

Instead I am focusing on things like friends, work, activities/sports, travelling and generally building a good life for myself while I am still reasonably healthy and active. I am actually much happier this way.

At least I know I gave dating a good go for a few years and I tried to meet someone but there is no justification for me to keep doing something that is simply not working for me and that is making me miserable.

I truly believe you can be single and happy.

What baffles and frustrates me is how many women on here are long term single like myself... I can't find anyone single in real life! Wish I knew how to find you so we could drink wine together and put the world to rights ❤️

I mean, people get together in their 80's OP. Not sure you can say "never" ever.

But furnish your life with things and people you love. And while you are out there living, he or she might just find you.

I know it's easy to say but many couples aren't particularly happy and just stay together out of convenience... I am mid 60s and my happiest friends are all single.

But never say never - I recently went to a friend's wedding, her first - she just turned 70 .

I am 53, l have been on in own now almost 10 yrs after being widowed. I just try and make the most of whatever situation l find myself in. I don't rule out being in another relationship, l do get interest and asked out, have dated briefly over the years.
People can meet at any age and fall in love, there is no finishing line as far as I'm concerned, so don't write yourself off. l have lots of hobbies and interests, meeting someone is not on the top list of my priorities, l am open to it, but until then still determined to enjoy and live my life.

Look for Bella de Paulo (researcher) and Nicola Slawson (author of the single supplement newsletter) - they both run brilliant Facebook groups and people do sometimes organise local meetups :)

OP I think one of the keys is figuring out what actually makes you happy and like a pp said, don't let other people's Big Things be bigger than your Big Things. Being single can be the best life choice you'll make, it doesn't have to be the in-between state that people assume it is.

"I've given up too many years being a prop to an average man"

And I am so struck by this @TheHappyLoser - so many women do this and it makes me sad. I love my single life but people do question it more often than I'd like them to.