I'm at a loss what to do

[dripsofjupitor]

My Partner of 10 years has always been a heavy drinker .I've stood by him all this time , but in the last month his alcohol has increased to the point he is falling over slurring his words and telling me he wants the drink to end his life .I know I have to leave him , but he looks to me to help him like before but he's getting worse .He's not verbally abusing me ,but he picks faults with the tiniest thing I've done wrong like not hold his hand when we are in public .Then makes me feel awful and it's because of that when I try & end things he makes me feel I'm the 1 who will tip him over the edge .Please give me the strength to walk away & not feel the guilt .Thank you

You didn’t cause this.
You can’t cure it.
You can’t change him.

He is abusing you, the emotional abuse of he’s going to end his life and he’s making you enable his drinking in so many ways — you hold his hand because you don’t want a drunk shouting his head off in public, you’re probably always making sue he’s safe, not falling under buses etc.. And you may well pay all the bills so he can spend his money on drink. ( been there and had the t shirt)
Contact Al Anon for support for yourself.
AA for him.
And be prepared to leave as the life of an alcoholic’s partner is hell.

@Cantthinkofanewnameatm .Thank you for replying.Yes I will look into al anon .I feel very isolated at the moment I have alienated myself from my friends over the years because of choosing to be with my partner .So have no one to turn to .

You leaving him is as likely to give him the strength to sort his life out as it is to ‘push him over the edge’.

You need to move out.

Guilt is a useless emotion and keeps you within this dysfunctional and abusive relationship.

You need to separate yourself completely from your alcoholic partner. Your own recovery from his alcoholism will not properly start until you do this.

You remind yourself that he is an adult and responsible for his own vhurs just as you are responsible for yours.

Why are you both making you responsible for both of your lives? Why ate you accepting him making you responsible for his?

You can't tip him over the edge. You can make decisions that are in your best interests and he can respond in any way he chooses.

Life not vhurs!

Definitely contact Al-Anon.

Guilt-nahhhh, he is not your responsibility.

I've left my alcoholic husband earlier this year. I should have done it many years earlier. His decline was very rapid in the last few years. He's still functioning day to day mostly. He's currently however recovering from a massive hangover after yet another bender lasting several days. We have DC together so I can't completely eliminate him from my life but right now I'm so grateful that we're not in the same house and he's not my problem.
I used to be around to pick up the pieces all the time and covering up for him. It was enabling him. Just like you I was also at the receiving end of abuse, suicide threats, got blamed for just about everything.
You can't control him but you can look after yourself. Get help from al-anon and leave him. It will get worse. And it will break you. PM me if you want to chat. It's a horrible place to be in. But it is NOT your fault and he's NOT your responsibility.

I bet you anything that many of those friends will be happy to help you when they know you have made the decision to leave him. Reach out to several, please, you need outside help to carry through what must be done. Good luck!

I absolutely agree with this. I was surprised at how supportive people were once I've opened up to them.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and real life support is invaluable.

Leave him. It will only get worse. You're not responsible for his addiction. And reach out to your friends whom you think are no longer in your life. You'll be surprised how much they want to support you. Good luck.

Thank you all for being supportive.I will try & reach out to friends , but I feel embarrassed at the moment .Only because over the years I had nothing in a way of friendship to offer I have been no fun to be around just empty .. I haven't heard from him today .I feel I'm being punished.

Could you contact Al-Anon for some face to face support? I think everyone there will absolutely understand how you feel.

If I were your friend/an acquaintance/just someone you know and you contacted me with what you've put here, I'd listen.

I understand that feeling of having nothing to offer in the way of friendship and being empty - for different reasons but the outcome was the same. I didn't have anyone I could even call a friend at that point.

I ended up on the doorstep of a friendly neighbour one evening. In tears. Just asking if she had an hour because I needed someone to talk to.

She invited me in, we chatted for a while and she gave me some great advice on my then circumstances. I didn't see her again beyond friendly hellos in the street but the fact she'd cared enough about a near stranger to listen to me gave me the courage to meet other people and build true friendships.

Don't let the fact that you feel you've haven't had much to offer friendshipwise stop you from reaching out for support. You need it right now.

Oh and don't feel embarrassed.

When you're mired in shit, it's hard to remember that people are essentially caring and good at heart. They will understand and they will be relieved you've spoken up and to finally understand.

@GreyCarpet . Thank you for posting it gives me hope to this horrible situation I find myself in .I still haven't heard from him , but I'm not going to contact him .In the past I have which he then starts playing the victim & I'm the one at fault.Why's this so hard .I got ready today to go out ,but couldn't bring myself to .I feel I have wasted the day .

Hi just wanted to update my thread .So I can look back & read how far I've come .It's been 6weeks since I've been in contact with him .It's been really tough not to message him .I have good days & really low days still .I'm angry to think I believed he would do better ...

Of course you believed he would do better, it’s that hope that kept you in the relationship for so long. I’m guessing the desire to contact him comes from a place of wanting to know he’s ok? It’s very hard to stop caring for someone who has made you responsible for their well-being, at the expense of your own. There’s nothing to be gained for you in contacting him so let yourself rest in the knowledge that he is an adult, responsible for himself - you’ve made a healthy choice to remove yourself from that environment so celebrate your decision to prioritise your own health and well-being.

@Jellycatspyjamas
.Thank you for replying .Reading it couldn't have come at a better time so again thank you .Yes you're right .I just want to know he's ok ,but there is nothing I can do either way whatever the outcome is .